I put it out there. I said that I would get kjkonkin.com back up and running with some sort of new blog or site or SOMETHING by the end of 2012. And so I have.It's taken a strange amount of courage. Because, for some reason, I've become terrified to blog.
In 2004, I learned about this new, journal-y type thing that was happening on the internet. It was called blogging, and in May of that year, I started one on the blogger platform. Since I had always enjoyed writing and storytelling, and preferred to live my life out loud, blogging made perfect sense. I started my blog a few days before I made a huge life change - moving from Toronto to Vancouver - and believed it would be a fun way to document my attempt to re-build a life from scratch.
I've been blogging ever since.
But earlier this year, in the face of a huge project that needed all my attention, a couple hateful cyber stalkers that I couldn't shake, and a mounting pressure that my blog should be doing SOMETHING (read: making money), my blog started feeling like a ball and chain. So, I decided to stop. I told myself I would finish the project, and then come up with a brilliant, fresh direction for kjkonkin.com, launching a new blog site once I had a perfect master plan.
Well...the project never sailed, the master plan never materialized, and a remount of my site has been put off, and put off, and put off. I've recorded a couple of vlogs, watched them, hated them, and gone back to pinning things on Pinterest. I've become SCARED to blog & make videos & do what I once did for the pure joy of it.
But, tonight, over supper, Leon said something to me that he has said a million times before. And it sunk in, finally.
He said: DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME. Write the blog even if it never makes you money. Make the vlogs even if nobody watches them. Produce the original show even if the audience is empty. It's about you, your life, your creativity...not about paying the bills. Yes, you'll have to do some stuff (possibly boring, possibly shitty) to pay bills, but if you can ALSO be doing stuff that makes you happy, you'll be farther along than most.
The other thing that happened, was stumbling across this video by Brian Johnson. I asked myself the question: What was the #1 thing I could start doing today that would make THE most positive impact on my life? I knew the answer. And it wasn't 'go to yoga more' although that is on the list. And it wasn't 'drink more water' even though I am looking for ways to experiment with drinking more water. The answer was...
start blogging again.
So, I'm back. There is no master plan. And the look and title and direction of this site might keep morphing. I might have even lost my 'audience', and have zero traffic. But I'm back. As my fingers tap, tap, tap away at my keyboard, I feel like I'm doing what I do best:
Living out loud and battling the beige.
Let's start experimenting, shall we?