World Full Of Weirdos

I have had such an interesting couple of days.

My first story starts with a message. The director of my show handed me a piece of paper on Wednesday of this past week with a message on it from a recording studio guy. It was messily scrawled and seemed to be saying that this gentleman was looking for singers to sing on demos. The director and I both assumed this was probably a call out to freelance singers to come in and do some background vocals for some established artist's CD. I agreed to call the guy on my first day off.

I called on Thursday night and left a message, secretly glad that he was going to have to phone me back since I didn't want to incur a lot of long distance charges. An hour later he calls me back and the first thing he says is "hey, look, I, uh, was thinkin' maybe you could just hang up and call me right back?" I was so shocked that, frowning, I agreed. "Cool," he mumbled, "uh, you can use the same number...you know, it's the number that dreams are made of" he finished. At this point I was so confused by what was unfolding that I was pretty sure that I had dreamed up his little turn of phrase. I mean, who ACTUALLY says "it's the number that dreams are made of"?? My articulate response was some sort of grunted 'Huh?" and which point he quickly mumbled something about taking a Buchaneer's cheerleader and putting her on the cover of Cosmo. After I pulled the phone away from my head to take a closer look and make sure I wasn't using a prank phone, I squeaked out a pathetic "Oh, wow?" Slightly happier with himself, he tacked on a final, earth shattering statement. "And let me tell you, THAT came with a nice, fat $60,000 cheque. OK...call me back." And with that the call ended.

Most of me was thinking "no f**king way am I calling you back you weirdo", but the other part of me was thinking back to Leon telling me that my problem was that I don't 'date' or dive into new career paths, always convincing myself before hand the reasons that they won't work. I was also damn curious about what the heck this guy ultimately wanted.

To save on the long distance charges that this guy obviously wanted ME to swallow, I decided to call him back using my Skype. My Skype is super free and super - well - echo-y. I called this guy back and immediately he asked if I was on speaker phone. I told him with a rather pissed off tone that I was using my Skype to call him since I didn't want to rack up long distance charges. "Well, the connection is awful," he said sulkily, "I can't talk to you like this." Very uncharacteristically, I said nothing. After an awkward pause he shot out "can't you find a land line to call me from?" "No," I said evenly, "I can't." All I kept thinking was WHO IS THIS GUY AND WHAT DOES HE WANT??!! Finally, he reluctantly launched into a pitch about how he is the only Saskatchewan record company working along side a major label and how is looking for the 'next big thing'. At this point, I was just annoyed and was wishing I hadn't called him back. He went on to tell me about all these big stars he has launched and about a hundred other tall tales, but when I finally had a chance to speak he would get so annoyed with the echo that he would bristle. "Listen," he finally said, "this could be your big break. I have a conference call, but I will try to call you back later. We have lots to talk about."

I hung up and switched on Grey's Anatomy.

He has now called me a total of four times, holding his phone up the speaker of a stereo to leave recordings of the big stars that have had the good fortune to dial the 'number that dreams are made of'. Sheesh. That's what you get for dating...a stalker.

My next story is of a blind man and his obese wife massaging me for free in the dark confines of their pet infested house. But perhaps I will leave that one untold for now because it seems that the power has gone off in Regina - a city wide blackout - and my internet connection is gone. I will say, however, before saving this as a draft, that I did go on one 'date' that was promising. Alas, I think my date wants a longer term commitment than I am able to give right now. I put it out there that perhaps we could still enjoy each other in the Right Now, but my date isn't interested in casual, Right Now-ness and has stated that it must be All or Nothing.

Ah, what can you do? Keep calling up your ex for a booty call until you find something new, I guess. A cowardly, albeit seductive, choice.

Oh, and did I mention that my car broke down again? Yes, It HAS been a full couple of days off...