The Ugly Inevitability

Sometimes it seems like it is inevitable human nature to be unfaithful at some point in ones relationship. In the beginning we have the best of intentions and, of the few that stay together, even fewer make it through without straying. Most of us get weak and start believing that the adrenaline of that one (or many) naughty moments filled with electricity is worth a million tears.

Sometimes it is physical infidelity. Sometimes it is emotional. Sometimes it is a one time fuck up, but more often than not, it is a long term mistake that compounds upon itself. It seems to effect the rich and the poor, the old and the young, the good and the bad. Celebrities with perfect teeth and 2% body fat have their hearts broken by partners who got bored or selfish or confused. Nobody is immune and it floats seductively in front of all our lives as a very real option to numbing our pain.

I am not sure, as a happily married woman, how to hold this information without feeling fear. So, I don't hold it...I let it go...until the next story of some family being ripped apart falls onto my ears. That will never be me, I think. I could never do that, he could never do that. But I know. Nobody thinks of themselves as a cheater. Nobody stands in front of their partner in a beginning full of soaring hearts and pulsing crotches and thinks 'some day my beloved will feel like a stranger and I will allow another to wrap their naked body around me while I sleep'. Nobody thinks that when they first fall in love. Nobody is immune.

Change is inevitable. If I resist it, I call it to me. So, I love. I love and love and mostly, love myself. I keep connecting to That Which Is Bigger Than My Relationship so that no matter what happens I will have an indestructible strength to carry me through. This way, by knowing that my spiritual safety net is there, I can walk this monogamy tight rope with utter confidence.

I love my husband and I know he loves me. We talk more than best girlfriends and make love like playful soul mates. When we disagree it can have the fuel of a hundred fires, but when we make up, it is the sun again after a rainy day. We are as far from as we can be from having an affair. But we will not get lazy, because we know that we are not immune. This too shall pass and the talking needs to keep on so that honesty can save us before we choose less. Connecting to something larger needs to keep on so that we aren't clinging to each other as the ugly inevitability of change unfolds.

It isn't that I am pessimistic. Quite the opposite in fact. In some ways, I am thankful.

But mostly, I have faith.