She Power

Two nights ago I had a feminist panic attack.

What had I become, I suddenly thought? I had always declared that I would carve out a different path for myself as a female. I wouldn't follow the exact same template that so many other women fall into. I would have lovers instead of husbands, I would travel and live in exciting locations, I would leave babies to the women in the suburbs and I would be dedicated to smashing as many female stereotypes as I possibly could in a lifetime.

Then I got married and moved to Moose Jaw. I live in a house with a white picket fence that I constantly clean. People ask us when we are going to have a baby and I find myself sometimes fantasizing about Leon making the big income so I could stay home and not have to work.

See what I mean!!!!!!

So, yesterday I had a She Power day. I got on my computer and started doing some of my own work. I inquired about taking some online classes in the fall, studying things that I want to study and have nothing to do with anyone or anything else but myself. I sold some stuff, got my house in order and then went into the basement and started helping Leon. Up until now I have left the building part to him, but in my feminist panic, I decided that enough was enough. I went down, grabbed some panels, measured them and then grabbed the loudest power tools I could find. I cut and nailed and bashed and cut and got extremely dirty and unbelievably sore. BUT GOD IT WAS GREAT. When I get into these hyperactive, type A moods I am a machine. So, while I built, I also did laundry and cooked dinner. ME!! I also scheduled rehearsals for this short film I am doing and contemplated going on another theatre hiatus (but that's a whole other post). It was a day of accomplishment, of burning with the fierceness of my independence and not allowing myself to slump into some passive, soggy space.

I will be married but I refuse to become a typical wife. Babies I will still leave to the women in the suburbs and soon enough I will be traveling again and broadening my horizons. My partner will be skillful at cooking and cleaning. And we will always have tons and tons of hot, hot sex.

Today I am off to a massage, lunch with my doctor friend and then my show.

Who said you need to make a million bucks to feel like a million bucks;-)