In-Law Ecstasy

My mother in law is in town for a visit and I have a kink in my neck that won't let go. The in laws visiting and a pain in the neck...coincidence you ask? I dare not comment.

One gift she does bring is the viewing of Moose Jaw through new and appreciative eyes. She sees the quaintness of the downtown core, the charm of our little house, the seeming friendliness of the people, the young families, the tree laned streets. In a rush, it makes me imagine staying here, having a baby and living a precious little life in our charming house with our adorable - ficitional - baby.

Then I remember. I remember the snow, the cold, the revved up pick up trucks with their gun racks, the lack of people that are anything like us. Last night I read a book that talked about the geographical freedom that comes from living in a place that you feel you belong and I remember that I have never felt a belonging here, not then, not now.

Of course, I should want to live somewhere close to family if I was to have a baby so that the extra, free, help would be around. But a) I don't really want to have a baby and b) I think it would drive me crazy to have either my mom or mom-in-law around all the time if a baby was present. There is something about the nature of a mother figure that brings me stress...perhaps it is the constant criticism or the extra duty of caring for their fears as well...but I know that If I was to procreate I would want it to be in a place that I feel happiest myself geographically and does present some distance from family.

I suppose this doesn't make me very family oriented. But I suppose I have always known that.

The family I do miss is my friend family. Having them close by again is something I long for. Imagining a lot of them with my - fictional - baby makes me smile. Maybe it is because there would be no way of being made to feel incompetent since all of us are about as new at the baby-thing as the other. Anyway, let me stop talking about a baby that I have no intention on having.

In a few hours Leon's mom will meet my mom and it should be very interesting. Alex is also visiting. And Aunt Elaine will be there. It is a family day and my neck just keeps holding on.

"If you think you are enlightened, spend a week with your parents."
-Ram Dass