When Big Is Just Bigger Than Small

The thing I love about being back in a show is that I can once again be surrounded by people who are as BIG as I am. In fact, this cast makes Leon and I look almost calm. I said almost.

It is almost like theatre people are aliens from a different planet. Living in Saskatchewan for the last few months has felt isolating for several reasons, but one of them was that there are very few people who erupt into tap dancing at the grocery store or who sing out loud (real loud) while they walk down the street. In fact, just last Friday while L and I were at a garage sale, the lady running the thing said "you guys aren't from around here." It was more of a statement than a question. We told her where we were from and that we were theatre folk and she nodded gravely. "That makes perfect sense. You're so expressive. So alive."

So alive???

Did she mean to inadvertently insult the people of Saskatchewan or is being expressive and alive the insult? We were confused and delighted all at the same time. It was the millionth time that I had that 'I don't belong here feeling' - a feeling that started when I was a small child and watched everyone around me care about cars, hockey, having babies and/or The Riders. I've never belonged here.

Yet, in rehearsal the big, alive, people creep out from the tunnels of Moose Jaw and fill the room with raucous belly laughs, a relentless amount of storytelling and an inclination, not an aversion, to being in the spotlight. It is a relief, frankly. It used to annoy me in Toronto when those people were the only people I knew, but now the scale is tipped too much the other way and I welcome the chance to be the listener and to take turns bringin' home the punch line. In fact, I love it.

It's all about balance. Once again, a lesson I can't escape. My excessive personality balks at it, but there it is.

So, let me bask in all the noisy extroversion. I need an escape from all this Normal.