I Hate Happy People

Good grief. I have just finished surfing around a myriad of new self-improvement websites of varying natures and have become completely depleted from just reading them. Like the rebellious, boat rocker that I am I want to write a reactionary temper tantrum that starts something like this:

"Felt like accomplishing nothing today. Laid in bed wondering why I was such a loser and then, after listing the top ten reasons that I would rather stab myself with a dull fork in eye than go for a run, I walked super slowly to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of doritos and went back to bed. Doritos are an excellent source of salt and many other ingredients that will probably kill you. Ate the entire bag, felt guilt and then decided I didn't care and went back to the kitchen for some chocolate milk. Yup, the kind you get from a COW."

I mean, I get the whole positive thinking, positive living thing, I do. I get that there is a need for some of us to talk about what is working in our lives and talk about the healthy choices we are making to offset the sheer volume of negativity that goes on in the world. Cool. But reading blogs filled with sentences ending in exclamation points that excitedly describe the Gomy Gomy Bar they ate that day, along with a half avacado and the raw placenta of a virgin goat while running backwards up a sacred mountain with their partner who is the CEO of wearesospiritualgodwouldbeenvious.com and then making love slowly at the summit without coming is starting to get on my nerves. I can't help but want to poke these people's flesh to see if they are, in fact, plastic, spiritual versions of Ken and Barbie.

Seems to me - and I understand that this is just my Ego talking - that these uber energetic do-gooders could learn alot from calming the f**k down and eating a deep fried Mars bar once in a while. Or spending a day in bed Doing Dick All (on reading that a second time I think that I may just write a book with that as the title). Or admitting to the world that sometimes they do not choose the higher road and are still totally at peace with themselves. Isn't that really the freedom we all seek - peace despite the outer circumstances? Self love despite how well we meditate or how raw our breakfast was?

You'll get posts from me filled with positive highs ...AND the smelly, crappy lows because they both exist in my world. It may fail the grade in some spiritual circles, but I am dedicated to writing the kind of blog that I would want to read.

And if I read another word about how someone touched the face of god as they voluntarily jogged up forty seven flights of stairs on their way to a Inner Dialogue Mantra workshop and WOW how excited they are to now meditate on that experience after dinner which will, of course, be made up of an ancient grain tofu apple salad with a side glass of waterless water...

I'm gonna puke.