Do You Wanna Be My Friend?

I think I'm lonely.

My life is lovely. It is lovely and home-y and safe and warm. And void of friends. I have a wonderful husband. Loony, crazy, romantic, sexy husband. My house is a real estate gold mine and next week I start new show. I am healthy. I am young. It's all good and I know that. I feel that.

But I have no friends here. I mean, I have Leon and my mom, my cousin in Regina, a few old high school buddies. But I don't have a best friend of my own. There is no one close by who I can really talk to, watch fun tv shows with...I dunno, stuff. God, I dunno. But I ache for friendship. Not a I'll-see-you-again-in-about-six-to-eight-weeks kind of friend. Not someone I am related to. But a person who wants to hang out on a purely volunteer basis -- heck, maybe more than one! I think it is the reason that I become so enamored of certain TV shows. It isn't for the romantic story lines because I have my very own very romantic story line. It is for the groups of friends that are portrayed. That is what I lust after.

It doesn't help that I keep leaving any location where I establish a great group of friends. It also doesn't help that I am 31. I am told that becoming less connected to your friends happens when you grow up. You spend your time with your partner, your kids, your aging parents and yourself. God, that is depressing, but perhaps it is true. Or perhaps I just haven't met the kind of people who cherish their friendships as a priority in their life despite spouses and babies and business.

The truth is I am not sure of the friendships I do have, most of which are far away, who I would hear from if I was to stop calling or emailing. It isn't a slight to them, not really, because I adore many of the people that I have in my life. It is just a comment on our lack of true closeness and on prioritizing. Having lots of friends that I talk to once in a blue moon is great. But that isn't what I ache for. I ache for a...for a....

Jennie? Is that what I ache for? Did her and I ever have that kind of bond? Maybe. Or maybe an SJ back in the Toronto Days. KJ and Iain during the summer of 2004 or Scott and Stewart in second year of college. Last week at one of my workshops this woman I teach came up to me and asked me a question pertaining to a Girls Weekend that her and her girlfriends take every summer. I could hardly hear her question for the envy. Same with a workshop that I am teaching this Friday, put on by a group of woman about my age who hang out all the time just because.

Would it be wrong to ask some random group of people to let me be their friend? Am I suddenly in Grade 4? Or is it more than random people that I seek? Would it be just as bad to be around a person or group of people that I had nothing in common with than to be by myself?

I wish they had an online dating service for friends.