There Was A Tree, And One Perfect Hill

Sometimes I am not sure if I am truly a 31 year old woman. Sometimes I am convinced that I have never grown up much beyond my 10 year old self. You see, I have a secret. A dirty and shameful secret. And like me and secrets, it must eventually be lived out loud. So here goes. I am going to let you in on something I do that nobody knows about.

I watch One Tree Hill. No, no. That isn't true. I don't just watch it. I obsess over it. I become so emotionally involved that I am an emotional wreck every time I finish an episode. I will spend hours searching for episodes online. It has even gotten so bad that I am watching fan videos of compiled scenes that lurk in the depths of YouTube. For those of you that know the show, even a little, I am a Leyton fan. (Leyton is fan lingo for the support of the union between Lucas and Peyton....I told you....It's like I'm a trekkie). I cheer those two on and growl at evil Dan when he scares me and giggle at Skills and hope to god that Hailey and Nathan figure out their dark times. As I type this, I see how exactly like a SOAP OPERA this show is and I hate soap operas. Yet, I love this show.

Tonight, I told my husband about my secret. Partly, he laughed, but mostly he understood. He summed it up beautifully. He said that these shows reel me in because they are epic love stories and speak of the kind of love that doesn't end...CAN'T end. For someone with abandonment issues, that is a very seductive thing. He's right. I want to believe that there is the possibility of falling in love with a person that becomes so much a part of your essence that your feelings for them never have an ending. They might morph a bit, but ultimately the love you feel for them just IS. Like the Sondheim lyric "loving you is not a choice, it's who I am".

Sounds a bit like the spiritual journey that many of us are on. Oh, to find that Love that is unchanging and ever present. Oh, to find that Love that Just Is.

So there it is. I am 31 and I am committed to One Tree Hill. Out of the closet. It holds a big place in my heart that few TV shows have competed for...and there is only one TV show that kicks OTH's ass...

That one starts with an F and ends in a Y and if you don't know the middle then you don't really know me.