Cry Baby

I am not sure what has been happening to me lately, but I seem to be crying more than usual. I also can't remember when I have been so happy. My extremes are extreme and it is starting to annoy me.

Last night, I watched that new TV show Cashmere Mafia. It's the new Sex in the City and far from a tear jerker. But there was something about the fact that these four women were all CEOs and COOs and UFOs and GOD KNOWS WHAT and were making a bazillion dollars a year and had these powerful lives - that made me want to shoot myself. My poor Leon didn't know what hit him when I flung myself into bed at the end of the night and sobbed "Sometimes I'm just not proud of myself!!!" crying and snotting all over his beautiful bare shoulder. This, for the record, is NOT like me.

This morning I saw a commercial where a man leaned down and picked up his little girl and I burst into tears again. Wet faced, I walked into the office and, once again, flung myself onto my fiance's lap. "I'm turning into a crazy lady!!!" I wailed through tears. He assured me nothing was wrong. Later on, when I started crying during some bad teen tv show because it seemed like they had the best gang of friends ever and I was going to die all alone, he helped me brainstorm theories as to why I have become so...well, uhhhhh...emotionally sensitive.

First theory: no artificial birth control drugs controlling my hormone levels. Secondtheory: big, life altering choices being made in short periods of time. Third theory: a wierd side effect of the new vitamins I am taking and fourth theory: I have just become a big 'ol girl.

Here's the schizophrenic thing - all my sad spurts are followed by moments of elation. Case in point, me yesterday afternoon, beaming with pride as I vaccumed my rug and watched L lick yogurt off of his spoon in the TV room, realizing that I have
such a lovely home and such a great guy to share it with.

See? Erratic. Moody. Uncharacteristic.

Theory number five: maybe it's just a symptom of finally living totally unprotected without any walls or plan b's and
completely giving my heart up with only faith to carry it.

Naahhhh. I'm quitting the vitamins.