Thursday, January 10, 2008
We Got Our Utility Bills Today
I am not sure how we can owe over $300 for two utility bills for a month that we didn't even live in this house, but as of this morning I have finally become discouraged. It is cold here and with money going out and not coming in, projects in the house have hit a 3/4 completed phase and sit undone. I need filing cabinets, art for my walls, feet that aren't constantly blocks of ice and a job. A good job. A great job. A way of making money that won't leave me resenting this ice cube of a house.
There is a possibility that I will be accepted into an entrepreneurial program where I will get paid to set up my own business. I figure if I can take all the things that I am currently dipping my toes into and stick them under an umbrella production company then why not? I am already running my own business of sorts - a sole proprietorship - so why not make it more official? Now, I need to convince the government people of this. If it worked out, that would be perfect. I could stop stressing about money and focus on building contracts for my 'company'. It seems like there are several different projects that people want us to be part of...but they all start later or are so far up in the air. Potential is wonderful, but it don't pay the bills. Especially six billion dollar bills like we are obviously going to be getting. Potential must be made manifest.
It is at times like these that I just want to be someone different, living a different life. Renting, being my own person, I don't know. Maybe just cloaked into a protective shroud of under-achievement. It is at times like these that I imagine how much better it would be to hit total rock bottom - and at least be really committed to the stench of it all - than to be plagued by this self-pitying, mediocre, middle class ache.
The tune will change tomorrow, no doubt, after a good sleep and a hot, hot bath. But right now, I wanna go home. I want my big, moldy, toasty apartment in Vancouver. The first week of excitement has faded away and I am left wondering if I will ever be warm again? And, if so, who I will I sell my body to in order to pay my SaskEnergy bill?
There is a possibility that I will be accepted into an entrepreneurial program where I will get paid to set up my own business. I figure if I can take all the things that I am currently dipping my toes into and stick them under an umbrella production company then why not? I am already running my own business of sorts - a sole proprietorship - so why not make it more official? Now, I need to convince the government people of this. If it worked out, that would be perfect. I could stop stressing about money and focus on building contracts for my 'company'. It seems like there are several different projects that people want us to be part of...but they all start later or are so far up in the air. Potential is wonderful, but it don't pay the bills. Especially six billion dollar bills like we are obviously going to be getting. Potential must be made manifest.
It is at times like these that I just want to be someone different, living a different life. Renting, being my own person, I don't know. Maybe just cloaked into a protective shroud of under-achievement. It is at times like these that I imagine how much better it would be to hit total rock bottom - and at least be really committed to the stench of it all - than to be plagued by this self-pitying, mediocre, middle class ache.
The tune will change tomorrow, no doubt, after a good sleep and a hot, hot bath. But right now, I wanna go home. I want my big, moldy, toasty apartment in Vancouver. The first week of excitement has faded away and I am left wondering if I will ever be warm again? And, if so, who I will I sell my body to in order to pay my SaskEnergy bill?
Posted by Krista J. Konkin at 4:15 PM
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