Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Bob With The Bob, Weave With The Weave
"Chaos should be regarded as very good news."
The house is ours. The drama is done. Our names are on the title and now, the rest of the adventure can begin.
Of course when it rains, it pours. L and I have suddenly been offered Chemainus again. Both of us. He would have a great role and I would have a horrible role, but great money. We could be together and sock away lots of cash in which to fix up our house and pay off our mortgage. It seems to be the decision to make.
Yet I am so tired of living on the road. Of uprooting myself. I have had to breathe through my panic about moving to Moose Jaw and just as I come to a place of peace about that, it seems four months from now, I could be back in BC for the summer. My heart is truly torn and I sigh at how different my life is looking in 2008 than I thought it would look.
Questions eat away at my brain...what will I do then for money in Moose Jaw until April? Should we even take the Chemainus contract or should we pursue very possible gigs that wait for us in Saskatchewan? How are we possibly going to be able to fix the 46 things that need fixing in our house? Is my IUD placement going to go smoothly tomorrow? Will I have enough time this weekend to pack and choreograph the VanDivas and visit my friends and rest the way a person should after they have just had surgery? Is there anybody trustworthy enough to rent our adorable house to for four months over the summer? Where and how should we get married?
Because I do think that there is going to be a wedding in 2008. I know my boyfriend well enough to sense that his proposal plans are looming and god knows I don't want to drag out the wedding plans very long. Simple and beautiful and fairly easy is how I want it. Nestled at night, warm, trees, water, little white lights, lantern and candle light, our favorite people, yummy food, the moon, music played by our talented friends and, of course, a kick ass honeymoon somewhere that is so hot that it melts my skin off.
Full, my life. Weddings, new houses, building equity and balancing contracts, baby/no baby plans...MAN, my 30s really have been more eventful than my 20s. I didn't think it was possible. Sometimes it feels like it is falling together and sometimes - because it is so different from what I expected - more like falling into chaos.
I suppose I will cling to a paragraph that I read last night in the new book I am reading by Pema Chodron...
"Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-centre, in between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don't get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It's a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs. "
The house is ours. The drama is done. Our names are on the title and now, the rest of the adventure can begin.
Of course when it rains, it pours. L and I have suddenly been offered Chemainus again. Both of us. He would have a great role and I would have a horrible role, but great money. We could be together and sock away lots of cash in which to fix up our house and pay off our mortgage. It seems to be the decision to make.
Yet I am so tired of living on the road. Of uprooting myself. I have had to breathe through my panic about moving to Moose Jaw and just as I come to a place of peace about that, it seems four months from now, I could be back in BC for the summer. My heart is truly torn and I sigh at how different my life is looking in 2008 than I thought it would look.
Questions eat away at my brain...what will I do then for money in Moose Jaw until April? Should we even take the Chemainus contract or should we pursue very possible gigs that wait for us in Saskatchewan? How are we possibly going to be able to fix the 46 things that need fixing in our house? Is my IUD placement going to go smoothly tomorrow? Will I have enough time this weekend to pack and choreograph the VanDivas and visit my friends and rest the way a person should after they have just had surgery? Is there anybody trustworthy enough to rent our adorable house to for four months over the summer? Where and how should we get married?
Because I do think that there is going to be a wedding in 2008. I know my boyfriend well enough to sense that his proposal plans are looming and god knows I don't want to drag out the wedding plans very long. Simple and beautiful and fairly easy is how I want it. Nestled at night, warm, trees, water, little white lights, lantern and candle light, our favorite people, yummy food, the moon, music played by our talented friends and, of course, a kick ass honeymoon somewhere that is so hot that it melts my skin off.
Full, my life. Weddings, new houses, building equity and balancing contracts, baby/no baby plans...MAN, my 30s really have been more eventful than my 20s. I didn't think it was possible. Sometimes it feels like it is falling together and sometimes - because it is so different from what I expected - more like falling into chaos.
I suppose I will cling to a paragraph that I read last night in the new book I am reading by Pema Chodron...
"Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-centre, in between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don't get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It's a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs. "
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