Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Christ on a Mountain
Arg!!! I am sick again. AGAIN! Of course, it is possible that the word I should use is 'still' rather than 'again'. I want to blame it on the dry air here in Saskatchewan or the sickly children that I am constantly surrounded by or my sickly co-workers that I live with in a little van or the stress of all this house buying/life changing crap, but really I haven't a clue as to why I have become this big ball of sick. It is totally frustrating.
I am also starting to question our decision to move to Moose Jaw. We have an opportunity to rent our house instead of moving into it and rent it to someone who could really use it. But it isn't all that simple. Leon is obsessively excited about our new house and dreams of moving in and cleaning gutters. Seriously. He makes me drive by the house and then stares longingly at the gutters. I get it...when it is YOUR house, the gutters are suddenly a thing of beauty. So, I feel bad forcing him to rent it just so we can move into my one bedroom apartment. Yet, I am not all that thrilled at the thought of having to move in the middle of winter, of having no spiritual community, no lindyhopping, none of the friendships that I have spent the last few years building, no ocean, no mountains, no humidity. What there is here, for me, is a whole lotta old memories - and not all good. It is different for L who has never lived here. For him it is a fresh new start. For me, it is my past coming back to haunt me.
Which leaves us needing to make a big decision. Insurance is much more if we rent and there are still many improvements we will need to make whether we are near or far. If we just rent, the house is still a great investment, rent will easily cover our mortgage payments and my rent in Van is super affordable. Gawd. I dunno. L doesn't either. We are a bit stuck and I am sick again and missing work days which means I am losing a lot of money. Ahhhh well, six more days of the tour...and then I will be unemployed. A sick, home owning, unemployed crazy woman.
At least when I am unemployed I might get a chance to heal.
And when I am healed I might feel better about the move.
Until then, I am going to become a big fan of all pharamceuticals.
I am also starting to question our decision to move to Moose Jaw. We have an opportunity to rent our house instead of moving into it and rent it to someone who could really use it. But it isn't all that simple. Leon is obsessively excited about our new house and dreams of moving in and cleaning gutters. Seriously. He makes me drive by the house and then stares longingly at the gutters. I get it...when it is YOUR house, the gutters are suddenly a thing of beauty. So, I feel bad forcing him to rent it just so we can move into my one bedroom apartment. Yet, I am not all that thrilled at the thought of having to move in the middle of winter, of having no spiritual community, no lindyhopping, none of the friendships that I have spent the last few years building, no ocean, no mountains, no humidity. What there is here, for me, is a whole lotta old memories - and not all good. It is different for L who has never lived here. For him it is a fresh new start. For me, it is my past coming back to haunt me.
Which leaves us needing to make a big decision. Insurance is much more if we rent and there are still many improvements we will need to make whether we are near or far. If we just rent, the house is still a great investment, rent will easily cover our mortgage payments and my rent in Van is super affordable. Gawd. I dunno. L doesn't either. We are a bit stuck and I am sick again and missing work days which means I am losing a lot of money. Ahhhh well, six more days of the tour...and then I will be unemployed. A sick, home owning, unemployed crazy woman.
At least when I am unemployed I might get a chance to heal.
And when I am healed I might feel better about the move.
Until then, I am going to become a big fan of all pharamceuticals.
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