Just Call Me Bloggy McWeakness

I have tried not writing my letters to the world, but here's the thing. I miss it. I have a million and one things that I want to write about and a thousand and one questions I want to ask. Which means, I am going to try blogging again, but with a slightly different approach. I am going to try to only referr to myself and leave others out of it. When I must refer to someone else i.e. my boyfriend, I will use initials instead of names. This could be like an alcoholic thinking that they can go back to 'just having one or two a week' when really they are simply falling off the wagon. But I guess, if this is the wagon, then I am up for the fall.

You see, I have watched documentaries about Jim Jones and compared/contrasted The People's Church to CSL and wrapped my brain into such intense tangles about faith and religion and cult and cynicism that I long to talk about it. I have laid on the covers in my boyfriend's bedroom awash with sudden certainty that I would marry him tomorrow! A year ago I was just beginning to walk upright from the most devastating heartbreak I had ever endured and now I am sure for the first time in my life that I have met the man I am going to marry and have a baby with. How can I not talk out loud about that? I have wanted to talk about what degree of compromise is healthy and what is not, about how scared I am to teach all those kids on the fall tour because what if I suck and they all hate me? How overcome I am by the thought of this contract ending and how, with all its ups and downs, it has changed my life? There are blogs in me about real estate investment and how cool it was to be back in my apartment for three days and L's challenge for me to reconnect with my extended family. Oh, there is so much to share.

But for now, a quick update and then bed...

Life has been joyful as of late. My hamstring still yelps when I ask it to do too much, but it is on the mend. We have very few shows left and I am both relieved and horrified. I paid off my huge Europe debt and now want to plan a trip to Greece with Lee. L gave me a promise ring - a beautiful aquamarine in white gold - and he gave it to me in the greeting card aisle of a Walmart because he was too excited to wait. As for waiting, I may have waited too long to get an IUD put in this summer, but I am becoming more convinced that I will switch to one before the end of the year. My mom is coming for a ten day visit in less than a week, I discovered a very cool degree program that interests me at Royal Roads University and I am looking forward to the road trip from here to Moose Jaw that L and I are going to take after we close the show. I saw my first shooting star the other night, have a bigger sexual appetite than I ever thought possible and still dislike the politics connected with the theatre industry. My friend and co-worker is in the hospital and another friend of mine from CSL passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago. L and I really want to buy a place together and sometimes I adore how easily we talk about being married and sometimes I start to panic when we so calmly discuss baby names. I am thinking about doing another cleanse, my car is making funny sounds and my life, frankly, has never been this good.

I definitely can hear myself tumbling off that wagon...

Ah, heck, I'll join a twelve step group later.