Monday, July 02, 2007
To Edit Or Not To Edit
So, there are things I want to blog about, but can't. Not really. Or shouldn't. Or won't. It seems that having been criticized time and time again about the grey area of privacy has finally worn me down and now, faced with controversy in my own life, I am reticent to speak about it.
What I can say is that I am being challenged to stand up for what I need. Not an easy task. Damn hard actually. As women I think we often 'suggest strongly' what we need, backed up by empty threats and eventually, murmured apologies. Either that or we find our selves NEGOTIATING. We don't much like to just STATE what we need, follow through with what we say will happen if we don't get what we need and not apologize at any step of the way. I am trying to break my gender's patterns. I am trying to stay strong.
When Leanne and I spoke yesterday we talked about embracing a life that might not ever fit into the template of which we are told sucessful lives fit. What if we never have one partner that we meet, love, marry and grow old with? What if we don't ever know motherhood or what if we end up having a baby on our own or in some other unconventional manner? What if our whole lives are filled with career change and contract work and exploration? Whtat if we don't find that one geographical location that we deem as Home and instead hop from city to city, town to town, country to country? Sure, if we live this way there will some experiences that we will miss out on, but on the other hand, those people that don't live this way will be missing out on alot of experiences and adventures and people and passions that our lives will be filled with. Ultimately, it is about being happy with what shows up and if what shows up doesn't fit into a template then so be it.
I wonder what I will be doing next year in 2008? Will I settle back into #206 and find work in Vancouver that is of a full time, permanant nature? Will I be in my place for only a moment and then find myself whisked away to another location where some new and fantastic door opens up? Will I be molding my moves around my relationship, trying to factor in Leon and the places that his career will take him? Are there actual people out there that know where and what and with whom they will be a year from now?
Will I still be blogging or will I eventually edit myself into a state of total silence?
What I can say is that I am being challenged to stand up for what I need. Not an easy task. Damn hard actually. As women I think we often 'suggest strongly' what we need, backed up by empty threats and eventually, murmured apologies. Either that or we find our selves NEGOTIATING. We don't much like to just STATE what we need, follow through with what we say will happen if we don't get what we need and not apologize at any step of the way. I am trying to break my gender's patterns. I am trying to stay strong.
When Leanne and I spoke yesterday we talked about embracing a life that might not ever fit into the template of which we are told sucessful lives fit. What if we never have one partner that we meet, love, marry and grow old with? What if we don't ever know motherhood or what if we end up having a baby on our own or in some other unconventional manner? What if our whole lives are filled with career change and contract work and exploration? Whtat if we don't find that one geographical location that we deem as Home and instead hop from city to city, town to town, country to country? Sure, if we live this way there will some experiences that we will miss out on, but on the other hand, those people that don't live this way will be missing out on alot of experiences and adventures and people and passions that our lives will be filled with. Ultimately, it is about being happy with what shows up and if what shows up doesn't fit into a template then so be it.
I wonder what I will be doing next year in 2008? Will I settle back into #206 and find work in Vancouver that is of a full time, permanant nature? Will I be in my place for only a moment and then find myself whisked away to another location where some new and fantastic door opens up? Will I be molding my moves around my relationship, trying to factor in Leon and the places that his career will take him? Are there actual people out there that know where and what and with whom they will be a year from now?
Will I still be blogging or will I eventually edit myself into a state of total silence?
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