Thursday, June 07, 2007
Injured
On my day off I went to a massage therapist in hopes of healing this hamstring pull that has just compounded itself and decidedly become worse and worse. The woman was ... well... what are the words? There really aren't any words, at least not from my mouth mere moments after waking up, but I can tell you one thing. The right side of my body looks like she took a stick and beat me to a pulp. I am covered in bruises and am in quite a bit more pain than I was in before I went to the massage. Part of me and part of my cast are trying to believe that this is just the natrual reaction to such deep tissue manipulation and that the first few days afterward will be the worst. Another part of me and my hilarious boyfriend thinks that I paid $65 to be manhandled and that any healing that leaves you covered in bruises and worse off than you were originally is BAD NEWS.
We'll see. Right now, I am in pain. When my right hip, ham, core area is sore I am always brought back to Dawson City, 1997. I am brought back to Jamie and getting over Dean and crying helplessly on the massage table of beauiful Suzanne, a mountain woman who I met in a small woods cabin beside the river. I am brought back to the feeling of performing through pain, smiling through tears and cursing my body. But I don't want to curse my body. I am so proud of my body this summer for keeping up and being so strong and for pouring itself into itsy, bitsy costumes and for being round and feminine and for now, dealing with what I am asking it to do day in and day out. We can get through this Body. The bruises will heal. Soon we will kick again without wanting to vomit.
This body talk also brings up the next big decision that I need to make and make fast. Do I get an IUD? The gynocologist here, a pleasant and friendly man who is advocating the IUD as an excellent option for drug-free me, is ready to do it as a day surgery. Me, a pleasant and friendly woman, who is deathly afraid of needle, is hesitating. Weird thing is that I am hesitating also because it feels like the inserting of an IUD is a big signal to the universe that I don't want a baby. And I don't want a baby. Not now. But I DO kind of want a baby. See? It is all screwy in my head. What I must remember is that I can't let the fear of needles stop me from making a smart health decision and that an IUD can be taken out when I make the conscious decision to get pregnant. Which, let's be honest, at this rate isn't gonna happen for a loooooong time.
Loving my body is the theme today. Maybe even this week.
Which means, first things first, I should quit blogging and feed it breakfast.
We'll see. Right now, I am in pain. When my right hip, ham, core area is sore I am always brought back to Dawson City, 1997. I am brought back to Jamie and getting over Dean and crying helplessly on the massage table of beauiful Suzanne, a mountain woman who I met in a small woods cabin beside the river. I am brought back to the feeling of performing through pain, smiling through tears and cursing my body. But I don't want to curse my body. I am so proud of my body this summer for keeping up and being so strong and for pouring itself into itsy, bitsy costumes and for being round and feminine and for now, dealing with what I am asking it to do day in and day out. We can get through this Body. The bruises will heal. Soon we will kick again without wanting to vomit.
This body talk also brings up the next big decision that I need to make and make fast. Do I get an IUD? The gynocologist here, a pleasant and friendly man who is advocating the IUD as an excellent option for drug-free me, is ready to do it as a day surgery. Me, a pleasant and friendly woman, who is deathly afraid of needle, is hesitating. Weird thing is that I am hesitating also because it feels like the inserting of an IUD is a big signal to the universe that I don't want a baby. And I don't want a baby. Not now. But I DO kind of want a baby. See? It is all screwy in my head. What I must remember is that I can't let the fear of needles stop me from making a smart health decision and that an IUD can be taken out when I make the conscious decision to get pregnant. Which, let's be honest, at this rate isn't gonna happen for a loooooong time.
Loving my body is the theme today. Maybe even this week.
Which means, first things first, I should quit blogging and feed it breakfast.
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