Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Eggs and Ham and A Whole Lotta Cheese
With the cleanse over, I have started to once again Somersize and am, thank god, losing weight. For the first time since Christmas, I am pulling on my jeans without worry and smiling as I run my hand over my flat tummy. It is like letting myself out of a sort of prison of constant bloating and heaviness. Yes, I crave Dill Pickle Doritos in the worst way, but at least with Somersizing (which is essentially just food combining) I am no longer constantly hungry. I am feeling good about myself...except when I have to wear the tiny red, satin shorts and bathing suit costumes in Anything Goes. Wearing bathsuits under blaring lights beside tall, leggy women that weight 120 pounds is always a humbling experience.
Another thing that I have been up against in the last few days has been the coming to terms that I have fallen in love with an actor. Which means...ahhhhh, geeeee...which means a lifetime of contracts out of town, long distance relationships and plans that get cancelled and changed to accomodate auditions, last minute show opportunities, etc. All my Aidan wounds come rushing back to me when Leon turns to me and asks...how will you feel if I come back to Chemainus next year for the summer season? Ug. It just exhausts me. I have to then start networking myself to find out if I could get asked back and then return with him or come to terms with a guaranteed six months apart. We already have to be apart for two months in the fall when I do the Saskatchewan Artist's Workshop tour. You see what I mean? It all just starts to sink in...in love with an actor. Being a contract worker myself. Wanting to support him doing what he loves, but wanting to actually have a boyfriend that is around. Hard. I have been in this place and it was never easy. I am not sure how to do it differently this time around and I sure can tell you I would like there to be different results.
And, of course, I have to go now to rehearsal. We open this show in a week and time is of the essence. I will blog more when things settle down. All is well, I am happy, busy, getting skinnier.
Red tap shoes await.
Room mates are anxiously waiting at the door.
I must say farewell.
Bye.
Another thing that I have been up against in the last few days has been the coming to terms that I have fallen in love with an actor. Which means...ahhhhh, geeeee...which means a lifetime of contracts out of town, long distance relationships and plans that get cancelled and changed to accomodate auditions, last minute show opportunities, etc. All my Aidan wounds come rushing back to me when Leon turns to me and asks...how will you feel if I come back to Chemainus next year for the summer season? Ug. It just exhausts me. I have to then start networking myself to find out if I could get asked back and then return with him or come to terms with a guaranteed six months apart. We already have to be apart for two months in the fall when I do the Saskatchewan Artist's Workshop tour. You see what I mean? It all just starts to sink in...in love with an actor. Being a contract worker myself. Wanting to support him doing what he loves, but wanting to actually have a boyfriend that is around. Hard. I have been in this place and it was never easy. I am not sure how to do it differently this time around and I sure can tell you I would like there to be different results.
And, of course, I have to go now to rehearsal. We open this show in a week and time is of the essence. I will blog more when things settle down. All is well, I am happy, busy, getting skinnier.
Red tap shoes await.
Room mates are anxiously waiting at the door.
I must say farewell.
Bye.
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