Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Fitting In The Blog
There is just so much happening that I am finding it hard to get to my computer for long enough to write anything. And yet, I have so much to say, so much that is unfolding in my wonderful life that I tell myself that I will get up a bit earlier and make time. But with rehearsals and chores and running the first show and errands and trying to work on my roles in the second show, my spare time and returning emails and, of course, all the boy drama ********** it never really happens.
Ok, so where I put the ********** above was a gap in time of over twelve hours. Seriously! As I was typing about how I can't seem to find the time to blog, I was interrupted mid-sentence and not able to resume writing until now @ 2:26am. Ridiculous. But since I am prying my eyelids open to write this, I might as well make it good.
Good is that in the tailspin of my break up with Jax, I was confronted with the admission of desire from another source. And I couldn't deny that the desire was mutual. But in light of a just ended relationship and some other determining factors, I resisted initially. Then I started to wonder why I was denying myself happiness!? The answer seemed to be guilt. AH, guilt. Such a useless waste of energy. So, after some anguish, I just stopped worrying about what I should be feeling and let myself allow What Was. And now, I have practically 'monkey-bar-ed' into another love affair. I judge myself for this, yes. But am I thinking I have made a mistake? God, no.
Which means, besides being Freaking Busy, I am also Giddy and Stunned. I am also Sore from doing trenches in double time and a held arabesque for much too long. I am Panicked because I have to wear a bathing suit in Anything Goes and Totally Baffled as to how I will find the wherewithal to lose my extra Europe weight. I am Tired and am thinking of maybe taking off to VIctoria for my one day off next week to try and break up this jam packed schedule. I am Smiling all the time, though, despite it all, because of this Surprise Romance.
Oh, none of it ever seems to go as planned and yet, the unplanned stuff always ends up being the stuff of that is most real.
My days are filled with hot rollers and Facebook which are both connecting me with wonderful human beings that I haven't seen in FOREVER and ruining my hair. I try to find time to work on my art piece that hangs above my bed, 1/4 of the way finished. I go to chiropractors and RMTs for relief from my body's complaints and today I forced myself to buy groceries. Mornings I sleep, hungry for the drug of REM. It feels like I am never not at the theatre and when I am not in rehearsal, I am stealing away with a piano to shove all this Porter into my brain. Free time is spent exploring my new found treasure or scrubbing a toliet in much need of a cleaning. I have to discipline myself to take extra time to do more than just the basic grooming and I obviously stay up way too late to try and relate all of it to unknown and unseen eyes. Crazy stupid brilliant.
Some last notes as my eyelids shut in spite of the prying...
...and....
...oops...ah, shitty nuts....
....they're closed.
Ah, well. G'nite.
Ok, so where I put the ********** above was a gap in time of over twelve hours. Seriously! As I was typing about how I can't seem to find the time to blog, I was interrupted mid-sentence and not able to resume writing until now @ 2:26am. Ridiculous. But since I am prying my eyelids open to write this, I might as well make it good.
Good is that in the tailspin of my break up with Jax, I was confronted with the admission of desire from another source. And I couldn't deny that the desire was mutual. But in light of a just ended relationship and some other determining factors, I resisted initially. Then I started to wonder why I was denying myself happiness!? The answer seemed to be guilt. AH, guilt. Such a useless waste of energy. So, after some anguish, I just stopped worrying about what I should be feeling and let myself allow What Was. And now, I have practically 'monkey-bar-ed' into another love affair. I judge myself for this, yes. But am I thinking I have made a mistake? God, no.
Which means, besides being Freaking Busy, I am also Giddy and Stunned. I am also Sore from doing trenches in double time and a held arabesque for much too long. I am Panicked because I have to wear a bathing suit in Anything Goes and Totally Baffled as to how I will find the wherewithal to lose my extra Europe weight. I am Tired and am thinking of maybe taking off to VIctoria for my one day off next week to try and break up this jam packed schedule. I am Smiling all the time, though, despite it all, because of this Surprise Romance.
Oh, none of it ever seems to go as planned and yet, the unplanned stuff always ends up being the stuff of that is most real.
My days are filled with hot rollers and Facebook which are both connecting me with wonderful human beings that I haven't seen in FOREVER and ruining my hair. I try to find time to work on my art piece that hangs above my bed, 1/4 of the way finished. I go to chiropractors and RMTs for relief from my body's complaints and today I forced myself to buy groceries. Mornings I sleep, hungry for the drug of REM. It feels like I am never not at the theatre and when I am not in rehearsal, I am stealing away with a piano to shove all this Porter into my brain. Free time is spent exploring my new found treasure or scrubbing a toliet in much need of a cleaning. I have to discipline myself to take extra time to do more than just the basic grooming and I obviously stay up way too late to try and relate all of it to unknown and unseen eyes. Crazy stupid brilliant.
Some last notes as my eyelids shut in spite of the prying...
...and....
...oops...ah, shitty nuts....
....they're closed.
Ah, well. G'nite.
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