Bending Over For Fear

Leanne, faced again with a man in her life that is too scared to go the distance, asked me to reiterate something I said about fear on the phone. Here is what I said:

as human beings our goal is to feel fear, but not allow it to make the ultimate decision. if and when we do this we rob ourselves of our self-respect and of the hidden jems that can come from taking a leap into the seemingly impossible. i would almost say as an experiment we should all sometimes make a decision based on doing the opposite of what our fear tells us to do...even if it is just to make sure that we don't become fear's bitch.

Funny, when I read it over, I hear myself giving the advice that I need to hear in my own life. I have been brave enough to tell the truth about what I wanted (or didn't want) with Jax. Now, I am being presented, so soon after my breakup, with another test of my bravery. And I am wondering if I should just choose to go in the exact opposite direction of what Fear is telling me to do which is RUN. My only conflict is that It may not be fear that is telling me to run, but wisdom.

Wisdom reminds me that to compromise my core values in order to justify being with someone is a recipe for disaster. If someone who is part of PETA falls in love with a hunter, what do they do with that? Do they honor the love they feel or the values that define who it is they are? Can a couple be a team, but fight for two different sides of a noble cause? Does one allow someone into their life who smokes pot every day when they, themselves, believe that marijuana is the bain of society?

Wisdom, fear, love and self-trust. None of it is easy and not every choice can be the strongest one. I like to think that the most important thing is to just make the decision with confidence and no apology. There is no way to say that a particular choice is the Right one or the Wrong one and it is near impossible to please everyone with the outcome of deciding upon something. So, I may just need to dive head long into this thing that has presented itself to me and just know that no matter how it ends up I will be okay.

Backstage right now at Murder typing this...hoping to do a Backstage at MOTN Vlog soon. The sun is doing its best outside to give us a true spring day and this week's paycheck waits in my purse to be cashed. Life is good, even if it is confusing. Life is worth it, even when a student in Virgina decides to numb their pain by taking lives. Life is here to help us find a way back to loving ourselves.

I have been courting fear far to long.

And I am sick of letting it do what it wants with my life...

doggy style.