Faith

My friend Sonia has the grace and stength of a giselle. She spent over ten years in love with the same man and then found out, after marrying him, that he did not have the capacity for loving her back with grace or strength. She, like so many of the women I know, spent all of her precious soul energy trying to make the marriage work, trying to recapture the magic that had kept her spellbound for so many years. Finally, she stopped trying to push a steam uphill and allowed this man who was her husband to go his own way alone. She cleaned out her proverbial house and made room for new good.

I am sure she was scared and I am sure she was angry, but she was always tenacious and refused to stop believing in miracles. Maybe that is why I wasn't so surprised that within a year of her marriage ending she has found her soul mate, purchased a house with him, was planning her second wedding and expecting her first child. All the abundance she had always so rightfully deserved was flooding over her after years of drought. I have been silently inspired by Sonia over the last while. She has proven to me that it really is when life seems to be 'over' that often it is just beginning.

Today Sonia emailed her closest friends and family to announce that her and her new partner lost their daughter Meadow Frances on Dec. 29th, soon after Meadow was born into this world. This email came after an early afternoon spent contemplating faith in my own life. Being at CSL again this morning, with Jax by my side, I couldn't help but hover outside of the entire experience and wonder 'how did I get here and where I am going?' It was one of those moods I get into where I am suddenly very aware that something much bigger than myself is unfolding and It puts me into a state of awe. It doesn't necessarily make me happy and it doesn't necessarily make me sad or afraid - just stuns me into a type of silence. Getting Sonia's email has pushed me even deeper into this state of asking 'why? what is the lesson? what is the loving purpose behind something like this?' My heart aches for Sonia, but knows that relationships aren't deemed successful by their length, but by how deeply they rattle your core, push your limits and cause you grow. For those of you who believe that your energetic thoughts can heal, send my friend in Ontario some invisible love so that we might hold faith for her at a time when faith is hard to come by.

Today I have faith in: my independence, perfect timing, the safety of airplanes, getting to where I need to go with ease, fun mattering, the money showing up, fitting what I will need into my backpack, my subletters taking care of my home, to-do lists being completed, my ability to attract men with integrity, sleep's healing power, love above all and, of course, french fries.

With gravy on the side and a whole lotta ketchup.