SJ's I Told You So Comes True

I have pulled my rotator cuff and the weather here has improved. Two points, but not the one I wish to make today.

Lately, I have been questioned about the seeming end to my theatre hiatus. I spent the summer singing and gigging with The Windflower Trio, am currently making my income as a choreographer, singer, dancer, actress and am jumping through hoops again in an attempt to be cast in what would end up being a six month music theatre contract. What happened to theatre being the devil? What happened to my disgust with the screwed up priorities of actors and the incestuous actions of Canadian theatre companies? What happened to just wanting to sit peacefully in an office and not worry about whether or not I was too fat, could belt a D above C or if my agent was going to call? Well, let me explain.

Doing theatre again is like being back in the arms of a man with whom I had a dysfunctional relationship. He (read: the theatre world) hasn't changed, but I have. So the issues still exist. There is still an abundance of negativity and lack consciousness. There are still a tremendous amount of insecure egos fighting for the acceptance of anything and anyone. There are still the horrors of the hoops to jump through and the constant rejection. But, because of all I know now that I didn't know before, those things have less effect on me. I am staying out of the negativity and just enjoying making an audience laugh. I am remembering that I have more than enough all the time and will forever be infinitely supplied for so that I needn't bitch about money. The hoops I am taking with a grain of salt and treating them as an 'interesting challenge' and the constant rejection doesn't hurt as badly when you aren't attached to the outcome. If I get a show and it fits my life and it sounds like fun - cool. Perfect. Bring it on...I mean, at the end of the day it is what I do best. But If I don't get a show, I no longer care. I now know that I will be easily just as happy doing an Arts Admin job or a facilitation project or design work or whatever. Sure, when I 'gave up' theatre I felt like I had lost my way, but I had also done myself a great service and taken the False Idol off its pedestal.

So I know am enjoying being in my ex's life again in a much different way. I refuse to let his negative stuff penetrate me and still enjoy all the things about the relationship that worked. The spotlight hitting you at the exact moment when the whole audience falls silent, making people laugh, creating and connecting. These are good things and I am glad to be finding a balance.

It wasn't that theatre wasn't me or that being a music theatre gal is Who I Am. It is the new found knowing that I Am something that is much bigger than any job will ever be and so I can enjoy wearing as many different hats as I want.

This has taken me years to get to and I can not tell you the freedom that comes from this epiphany.

Now, I am off to go watch the matinee of Lee's show, continue with my own (only 6 shows left!), enjoy the BC-esque weather outside and hope that my shoulder will hang in there until I can get myself to my RMT and Chiropractor.

Norma's back again. Until, of course, she's not.

Point made?
Point made.