Saturday, December 16, 2006
Scrooge McDuck
*humph*
I am in a terrible mood. Grumpy, sulky, irritable. I woke up this way and have no idea why. And just like negativity does, it has built upon itself all day. Outside it is, of course, blizzarding. I had to get up early for a brunch after only a few hours of sleep. My freaking shoulder is killing me (pulled a rotator cuff that doesn't want to get better as long as I insist on dancing with it). Our audience tonight was jammed pack and everyone was stressed out and, due to my mood, I had no patience for any of it. I kept having these evil, mean thoughts about everything and everyone that I came across. Thank god I am a somewhat enlightened, detached, conscious individual and I was able to breathe my way through my blackness -- because I am pretty sure that if I was anybody else I might have said quite a few things tonight that I would have regretted.
Ah, me.
One more show. Tomorrow night we close and then I declare here and now: I WILL NEVER BE A WAITRESS AGAIN. Ever. Not in any circumstance or situation. I will shovel manure before I will scrape food off of plates or find effecient ways of balancing 14 cheesecakes while smiling. Yup. I am ready to be done, to sleep somewhere other than a floor and to get on with some other pretty exciting stuff in my life. Like Jax. Oh, right. I wasn't going to talk about him.
Funny, when you have met someone new, it is so scary to show them your less attractive emotions. You spend so much time in the beginning being charming and clever and kind and patient and positive and sweet that when the other parts of you start to emerge - the exhaustion, frustration, jealousy, negativity, whiny crap - you wonder if you will still be loved. But that is the most exciting part of all. When they love you for ALL OF YOU, the light and dark, and you can rest assured that love isn't about entertaining, but about healing. Then you know you got a keeper. I adore being shiney and happy, but I am too intense a human to not have my dark dark moments.
This is one of those moments.
If I was a little kid, I would give me a 'time out' so I think that is what I will do. Take a shower, go to bed. End this day from hell. Tomorrow night I have a lot of goodbyes to say and the beginning to yet another transition. I can deal tomorrow with the fact that I think I drove into a snowbank when I parked outside the condo tonight that I am not going to be able to drive out of tomorrow. Freaking snow. Freaking Saskatchewan. Freaking Everything.
Ouch, my shoulder.
Baaaahhhh humbug.
I am in a terrible mood. Grumpy, sulky, irritable. I woke up this way and have no idea why. And just like negativity does, it has built upon itself all day. Outside it is, of course, blizzarding. I had to get up early for a brunch after only a few hours of sleep. My freaking shoulder is killing me (pulled a rotator cuff that doesn't want to get better as long as I insist on dancing with it). Our audience tonight was jammed pack and everyone was stressed out and, due to my mood, I had no patience for any of it. I kept having these evil, mean thoughts about everything and everyone that I came across. Thank god I am a somewhat enlightened, detached, conscious individual and I was able to breathe my way through my blackness -- because I am pretty sure that if I was anybody else I might have said quite a few things tonight that I would have regretted.
Ah, me.
One more show. Tomorrow night we close and then I declare here and now: I WILL NEVER BE A WAITRESS AGAIN. Ever. Not in any circumstance or situation. I will shovel manure before I will scrape food off of plates or find effecient ways of balancing 14 cheesecakes while smiling. Yup. I am ready to be done, to sleep somewhere other than a floor and to get on with some other pretty exciting stuff in my life. Like Jax. Oh, right. I wasn't going to talk about him.
Funny, when you have met someone new, it is so scary to show them your less attractive emotions. You spend so much time in the beginning being charming and clever and kind and patient and positive and sweet that when the other parts of you start to emerge - the exhaustion, frustration, jealousy, negativity, whiny crap - you wonder if you will still be loved. But that is the most exciting part of all. When they love you for ALL OF YOU, the light and dark, and you can rest assured that love isn't about entertaining, but about healing. Then you know you got a keeper. I adore being shiney and happy, but I am too intense a human to not have my dark dark moments.
This is one of those moments.
If I was a little kid, I would give me a 'time out' so I think that is what I will do. Take a shower, go to bed. End this day from hell. Tomorrow night I have a lot of goodbyes to say and the beginning to yet another transition. I can deal tomorrow with the fact that I think I drove into a snowbank when I parked outside the condo tonight that I am not going to be able to drive out of tomorrow. Freaking snow. Freaking Saskatchewan. Freaking Everything.
Ouch, my shoulder.
Baaaahhhh humbug.
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