Monday, October 09, 2006
Done and Done
Well, the email has been sent. I have accpeted the Christmas show in Regina.
Which means I hope to nail down a subletter in the next few days and will be back in my car in 12 days retracing my steps back to the prairies. It feels right. If I was independently wealthy and didn't have to worry about money, I would most likely stay put and do Ptarmigan work, study design and sing with TWT...but I feel excited about the flow that I am in and the whooshing sound in my ears as I allow life to take me where opportunity beckons. I can pay off my debt with this Applause contract. In the new year, I could be blogging from the South of France! I mean, I only live once and I am 30 and single with no ties or responsibilities. Carpe Diem! If I continue to sublet and take contracts that allow me to live virtually rent free I could take rewarding work, fun work and very telling work WHILE weaving in some life changing adventures and experiences.
Or I could just do this one contract and be home in January back at square one. I think that is what feels good - I am not attached to a specific outcome and I know that whatever and however it all unfolds, I will be okay. I want to commit to continuing to educate myself while being a gypsy, even if it is online or long distance or through self teaching. I want to embrace this exploration phase and enjoy it instead of feeling guilt and shame about it. Ya know?
And here is another truth. If I had a life partner that I adored and we were agreeing to settle into a home together and start building our future, I would choose to stay and nest. What I mean is that, If that is what my life looked like right now, I would choose that over 1000 European trips or spontaneous contracts. But It isn't what my life looks like. Last year at this time I really didn't think that I would be single and fancy free in October of 2006, but I am. There is no life partner, there is no settling down, there is no magic cottage, there are no babies to be had. There is only me and the finding of my 'thing' and the breathing and the saying Yes to that which asks me to follow. So be it. The nesting will come when the time is right. I look forward to the day. Until then...
I head home for awhile. I perform again. I make some money. I continue letting go of my past relationship and keep on falling in love with myself. I see the world. I explore. I meet new people. I wait for love to come again and knock me off my feet. I keep learning.
I invite you along.
Let's see how this goes.
Which means I hope to nail down a subletter in the next few days and will be back in my car in 12 days retracing my steps back to the prairies. It feels right. If I was independently wealthy and didn't have to worry about money, I would most likely stay put and do Ptarmigan work, study design and sing with TWT...but I feel excited about the flow that I am in and the whooshing sound in my ears as I allow life to take me where opportunity beckons. I can pay off my debt with this Applause contract. In the new year, I could be blogging from the South of France! I mean, I only live once and I am 30 and single with no ties or responsibilities. Carpe Diem! If I continue to sublet and take contracts that allow me to live virtually rent free I could take rewarding work, fun work and very telling work WHILE weaving in some life changing adventures and experiences.
Or I could just do this one contract and be home in January back at square one. I think that is what feels good - I am not attached to a specific outcome and I know that whatever and however it all unfolds, I will be okay. I want to commit to continuing to educate myself while being a gypsy, even if it is online or long distance or through self teaching. I want to embrace this exploration phase and enjoy it instead of feeling guilt and shame about it. Ya know?
And here is another truth. If I had a life partner that I adored and we were agreeing to settle into a home together and start building our future, I would choose to stay and nest. What I mean is that, If that is what my life looked like right now, I would choose that over 1000 European trips or spontaneous contracts. But It isn't what my life looks like. Last year at this time I really didn't think that I would be single and fancy free in October of 2006, but I am. There is no life partner, there is no settling down, there is no magic cottage, there are no babies to be had. There is only me and the finding of my 'thing' and the breathing and the saying Yes to that which asks me to follow. So be it. The nesting will come when the time is right. I look forward to the day. Until then...
I head home for awhile. I perform again. I make some money. I continue letting go of my past relationship and keep on falling in love with myself. I see the world. I explore. I meet new people. I wait for love to come again and knock me off my feet. I keep learning.
I invite you along.
Let's see how this goes.
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