A Chapter Closes

I have shut out all the lights and put my bags in the car.
Now I sit here in the dark with my laptop screen as my only light.
I can't believe I'm going.
I can't believe that this chapter is ending.
Right now, I don't wanna say goodbye.
Right now, I don't wanna acknowledge that if I drive off in the morning nothing will ever be the same.
There is this feeling that comes when you stand at the edge, but have not yet jumped. That feeling consumes me now.
Why couldn't have things just stayed the same?
Why can't Jordan just love me?
I don't know when I will return.
It doesn't feel like anyone will notice that I am gone.
It doesn't feel like any of the last two and half years has even happened.
My whole body feels numb and my tongue feels swollen.
In 6 hours I get up and drive and when I stop I will have left a huge part of my life behind.
It is an ending and it is a beginning.
I get it.
There is anger and saddness and excitment and overwhelm.
Why am I the kind of person who constantly needs to push myself to extremes?
For a girl that craves safety, why am I always diving off metaphorical cliffs?
I am scared.
But I dive none the less.
Why can't Jordan just want to be with me?
When I leave this morning, It will be the final inches needed to completely shut the door on Us.
Against my will, I walk away and let the door finally shut.
And god that hurts.
Bye bye Vancouver.
I'll be back.
Thanks for the last two and a half years.
They've been...well...unforgetable if not always easy.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

I love you.