Monday, October 23, 2006
18 Again
Walking into the theatre yesterday for rehearsal, I was instantly 18 years old again.
Everything was familiar, the gaudy carpet, my favorite parking spot, the smell. God yes, the smell of that theatre took me back to a time before It All. A time before Sheridan college or Rod Maxwell or Greg Peterson. A time before I thought I was too fat or not pretty enough, before any real heartbreak shook my foundation or doubt began convincing me that I might not make it to Broadway. In that theatre yesterday, there was no such thing as Jo or Kirklind or my life with Aidan at 262 Dunn. I walked in and all I felt was possibility, like I did when I was 18 and leaving in the fall for the big city of Toronto. Maybe that is what has seduced my back into a contract like this...an ache to feel, once more, like I did when I was 18 ---- like there was nothing I couldn't do and that The Happiest Of Endings would be mine.
Anyway...here I am. There is a lot of work ahead of me. Lines to learn, big-black-woman songs to belt, new false eyelashes to purchase and umpteen songs to choreograph for people who don't dance. The weather is silly cold, but I sit here typing at Lee's condo with a toque on my head, warmed in front of her fireplace. It was hard to drive out of Vancouver on Thursday morning, but now that I am here, I am happy. I smile at the thought of Denise and Andre (my subletters) puttering around #206, making it home. Last night, I bonded with a wonderful woman who is desperately in love with someone she can't have and felt a bit better knowing that I am not the only person in the world who has a tough time with loving someone who doesn't love you back. I even made a new myspace friend in England. I figure if I am going to go traveling there, I might as well start meeting people now. Oh! And get this. I told Sean and my mom in Calgary that all I wanted for Christmas this year was a digital camera. So what does my brother do? He gives me his. "You'll get more use out of it," he tells me. Talk about Ask And Ye Shall Receive! All I need to is to go get a USB cable and memory card tomorrow and I will start using it. Which means more to see in My Kickass Photo Gallery and probably lots of random pics on my blog. It even takes short videos, so I will figure out how to take and embed those into here and I'll be rollin'!
See KJ - (I like talking to myself) - life is good. I am going to go buy some cereal, curl up next to the fireplace and learn my lines.
And realize that when I am 47, I will think back to when I was 30 before all the-craziness-that-is-bound-to-happen-between-now-and-then and wonder why I didn't fully appreciate how good I had it.
Everything was familiar, the gaudy carpet, my favorite parking spot, the smell. God yes, the smell of that theatre took me back to a time before It All. A time before Sheridan college or Rod Maxwell or Greg Peterson. A time before I thought I was too fat or not pretty enough, before any real heartbreak shook my foundation or doubt began convincing me that I might not make it to Broadway. In that theatre yesterday, there was no such thing as Jo or Kirklind or my life with Aidan at 262 Dunn. I walked in and all I felt was possibility, like I did when I was 18 and leaving in the fall for the big city of Toronto. Maybe that is what has seduced my back into a contract like this...an ache to feel, once more, like I did when I was 18 ---- like there was nothing I couldn't do and that The Happiest Of Endings would be mine.
Anyway...here I am. There is a lot of work ahead of me. Lines to learn, big-black-woman songs to belt, new false eyelashes to purchase and umpteen songs to choreograph for people who don't dance. The weather is silly cold, but I sit here typing at Lee's condo with a toque on my head, warmed in front of her fireplace. It was hard to drive out of Vancouver on Thursday morning, but now that I am here, I am happy. I smile at the thought of Denise and Andre (my subletters) puttering around #206, making it home. Last night, I bonded with a wonderful woman who is desperately in love with someone she can't have and felt a bit better knowing that I am not the only person in the world who has a tough time with loving someone who doesn't love you back. I even made a new myspace friend in England. I figure if I am going to go traveling there, I might as well start meeting people now. Oh! And get this. I told Sean and my mom in Calgary that all I wanted for Christmas this year was a digital camera. So what does my brother do? He gives me his. "You'll get more use out of it," he tells me. Talk about Ask And Ye Shall Receive! All I need to is to go get a USB cable and memory card tomorrow and I will start using it. Which means more to see in My Kickass Photo Gallery and probably lots of random pics on my blog. It even takes short videos, so I will figure out how to take and embed those into here and I'll be rollin'!
See KJ - (I like talking to myself) - life is good. I am going to go buy some cereal, curl up next to the fireplace and learn my lines.
And realize that when I am 47, I will think back to when I was 30 before all the-craziness-that-is-bound-to-happen-between-now-and-then and wonder why I didn't fully appreciate how good I had it.
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