Letter To Everyone

Hey Y'all.

Thanks for all the pep talks regarding my frustrating new job. Pep talks always make me feel like I have something to live up to...people who will be let down. Tonight, at a Clearmind lecture, Duane talked about being unequivocal in your choices. It resonated with me. I was so spineless at this time last year. So...what that means is this...I will either keep the job and not whine about it or quit the job and not apologize for it. I choose peace in whichever I decide. I know which way I am leaning, but tonight as I sit here and write this all I have decided is to go back in tomorrow morning. I will make the ultimate decision when the time is right.

Last night, when I discovered the comment on my A Public Goodbye post, I slowly bowed my head until my forehead was resting on my laptop and sort of laughed and sort of cried. After a day of trying to decipher Chinese, I found it just as impossible to try and decipher Male. I also started to question my addiction to my laptop. Seems I am starting and ending my relationships/friendships/connections on a computer screen. There has got to be something inherently unhealthy about that.

Which means maybe it was a good thing that last night, surrounded by a restaurant filled with Fringe actors, I sat beside a very intriguing man with total Zach Braff energy. In fact, he looks a little like Zach Braff, too. He was adorable. I hope to see him again.

And on Monday, I must note this, I hung out with Brent David and his gang of Commercial Drive friends and they were all so great. Really great. And Brent David was great. He has agreed to pseudo-boyfriend cuddle and care for me. And on Wednesday I am going to go see his band play. We are ex-lovers and awesome friends and flirtatious support beams for each other. BD started on a computer screen two years ago, but something tells me I won't ever have to say goodbye to him in a blog.

HTSNBN and our Sunday afternoon keeps stirring in my heart, of course. It was so good to see Jordan, so good to walk the beach with him and see him smile and dip our fries into little paper cups of ketchup. I haven't felt a shred of anger towards him since seeing him Sunday...just tenderness. Don't get me wrong...the thought of him wrapped in the arms of another woman will never be a pleasant or welcome image. But I love that man's soul. I miss him, too. As my partner, but also just him. The him that existed before we became an us. Not sure there is anything to DO about feeling this way - except celebrate that I have moved out of the anger phase. It is wonderful to smile again when thinking about him.

To top it all off, I have a very talented, burly South African man staying with me until the 17th. Leanne's summer love, Anton Smuts, is here to do his Fringe show - Stealing Venus - and I have invited him to crash on the couch. I enjoy the company of other human beings in this apartment and he is truly hilarious and masculine and comforting on some strange level considering I just met him 2 days ago.

So, see...life never stops being interesting in Konkin World. I will let you know about what I choose with the job. And the boys will work themselves out. But thanks for the pep talks anyhow...

it is always good to y'all are on my side.