Friday, September 01, 2006
Dusting The Ficus Tree
If I could manifest anything right now, I would want...
the ikea delivery truck to show up, the possibility of safe, naked sleeping in my bed, a roundtrip ticket to sharmaine's wedding at the end of the month, a brand new MacBook like cait's, a digital camera, a phone call from lee, kisses on my neck, unity, tickets to the CWG preview screening on tuesday, a new boxset to watch, instant competency in my new job, contentment with whatever is showing up in my life and a big, fat fruit salad.
Things I should do even though I have zero motivation to do them:
sort my summer receipts, have my eyes re-examined, meditate more often, set myself up a much more healthy eating regime, consciously spend less time on the computer, embrace my single life, commit to a job for an entire year, go to the dentist, find some sort of physical activity to take part in this winter, go to the Bikrams class like i promised i would.
Most ironic information I have heard in a long time:
My ex Aidan has moved in with Martine's ex Cory in Toronto while Marty and I live side by side in Vancouver.
If you must see a show at the Fringe, see the one with my cousin's new lover in it:
Stealing Venus
My favorite turn of phrase these days:
"We'll see." Because who ever really knows? I am attempting to have less expectation. It is either that or live in a constant state of disappointment. "We'll see" just keeps me open to perhaps it happening, working, succeeding, flourishing, etc. or to perhaps it going limp before it ever gets a chance to become hard.
Piece of advice that keeps coming out of my mouth:
'If someone wants something badly enough, they will make it happen.' Excuses are just fear wrapped in words. Whenever I have wanted to talk to someone, I talked to them, providing that person wanted to speak to me. I have gotten on planes and flew to the other ends of the planet to spend a few days with someone I loved when it made no logical sense to do so. I have also watched myself tell these well articulated stories to people in my life about how I am not able to do something because I am too busy or too far away or too focused on something else. Truth is, I obviously don't want to do it, because if I did want to, I would figure out a way around the geography, the schdule, the object of my focus.
Why I love my mom:
At 63, she does not sit around knitting or playing shuffle board. The woman can lift large pieces of furniture with one hand, while vaccuming with the other, all the while talking a mile a minute about the political unrest in the Middle East. I love her because she will eat ice cream with me out of big buckets with two spoons at 3 in the morning. Because she is almost always up for anything, can shop for hours and hours and hours and is proud to be from Saskatchewan. I love my mom because she is the only thing in my life that has been a constant. She does not leave and, in fact, is at my side the instant I am in need. I love her because she is the kind of woman who will dust the ficus tree. I love her because I can talk about orgasms or vibrators or other hush-hush topics with her and because when she walks down a street she always notices the colors of the leaves, the scent of lilac bushes, the blueness of a sky.
If I wasn't afraid, I would...
Show up at _______'s door, grab _____ , kiss _______ and walk away.
the ikea delivery truck to show up, the possibility of safe, naked sleeping in my bed, a roundtrip ticket to sharmaine's wedding at the end of the month, a brand new MacBook like cait's, a digital camera, a phone call from lee, kisses on my neck, unity, tickets to the CWG preview screening on tuesday, a new boxset to watch, instant competency in my new job, contentment with whatever is showing up in my life and a big, fat fruit salad.
Things I should do even though I have zero motivation to do them:
sort my summer receipts, have my eyes re-examined, meditate more often, set myself up a much more healthy eating regime, consciously spend less time on the computer, embrace my single life, commit to a job for an entire year, go to the dentist, find some sort of physical activity to take part in this winter, go to the Bikrams class like i promised i would.
Most ironic information I have heard in a long time:
My ex Aidan has moved in with Martine's ex Cory in Toronto while Marty and I live side by side in Vancouver.
If you must see a show at the Fringe, see the one with my cousin's new lover in it:
Stealing Venus
My favorite turn of phrase these days:
"We'll see." Because who ever really knows? I am attempting to have less expectation. It is either that or live in a constant state of disappointment. "We'll see" just keeps me open to perhaps it happening, working, succeeding, flourishing, etc. or to perhaps it going limp before it ever gets a chance to become hard.
Piece of advice that keeps coming out of my mouth:
'If someone wants something badly enough, they will make it happen.' Excuses are just fear wrapped in words. Whenever I have wanted to talk to someone, I talked to them, providing that person wanted to speak to me. I have gotten on planes and flew to the other ends of the planet to spend a few days with someone I loved when it made no logical sense to do so. I have also watched myself tell these well articulated stories to people in my life about how I am not able to do something because I am too busy or too far away or too focused on something else. Truth is, I obviously don't want to do it, because if I did want to, I would figure out a way around the geography, the schdule, the object of my focus.
Why I love my mom:
At 63, she does not sit around knitting or playing shuffle board. The woman can lift large pieces of furniture with one hand, while vaccuming with the other, all the while talking a mile a minute about the political unrest in the Middle East. I love her because she will eat ice cream with me out of big buckets with two spoons at 3 in the morning. Because she is almost always up for anything, can shop for hours and hours and hours and is proud to be from Saskatchewan. I love my mom because she is the only thing in my life that has been a constant. She does not leave and, in fact, is at my side the instant I am in need. I love her because she is the kind of woman who will dust the ficus tree. I love her because I can talk about orgasms or vibrators or other hush-hush topics with her and because when she walks down a street she always notices the colors of the leaves, the scent of lilac bushes, the blueness of a sky.
If I wasn't afraid, I would...
Show up at _______'s door, grab _____ , kiss _______ and walk away.
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