Thursday, August 03, 2006
In Awe
Rumi said - sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.
Ok, then, Rumi. I am bewildered.
Sitting on the beach with Raphsody in Blue filling my mind, these fireworks filling a dark space in me where innocence used to live. Feeling sorry for everybody who doesn't live here, anybody who would choose to leave. Peacefully, a city walked hand in hand home. Knowing that the one that broke my heart was walking, too, somewhere other than beside me that night. Knowing that another someone is filling my thoughts. The uncertainty in an instant becoming magical.
An email, a poem, a red warning that reads New Message and I catch my breath. Perfect summer sounds in through my window and creates a melody and it heals me, but, no, it has no title. Not yet. Not yet. But this sad heart does not care for it has waited for its chance to say goodbye to The Fool and hello again. Hello and Hello and...
A rock face and a girl and a lifetime of stories of how she is and what she can and can not do. Determined hands jammed in sharps cracks, she climbs in her anger to the first ledge (ihateyouforleavingihateyouforleavingihateyouforleaving) and sways in fear at how far up she already is. Pinned back against a right angle and her left leg doing an 'Elvis' she pushes up into less anger and into pride (ohmygodicandothisohmygodicandothisohmygodicandothis) and before long she is looking down at that which she has left behind. It seems so small. To the top she carries on and now there is only silent concentration. Everyone will be shocked that someone like her could accomplish something like this...but that no longer matters because bruised thumb and bleeding knee, she knows now that he was wrong.
A movie with a phone booth and the choice to stay instead of leave. A movie with that awful airport ending where we once again celebrate the leaving instead of the staying. Summer days and summer nights and a slow dance on a computer screen. Watching from afar, eyes wide, you're a child again and you free fall. Wait for me are the only words whispered and so you burn the memory of those fireworks into your palm and the cool rock into the sole of your shoe and you wait.
Of course you will wait.
That's all that can be done.
Ok, then, Rumi. I am bewildered.
Sitting on the beach with Raphsody in Blue filling my mind, these fireworks filling a dark space in me where innocence used to live. Feeling sorry for everybody who doesn't live here, anybody who would choose to leave. Peacefully, a city walked hand in hand home. Knowing that the one that broke my heart was walking, too, somewhere other than beside me that night. Knowing that another someone is filling my thoughts. The uncertainty in an instant becoming magical.
An email, a poem, a red warning that reads New Message and I catch my breath. Perfect summer sounds in through my window and creates a melody and it heals me, but, no, it has no title. Not yet. Not yet. But this sad heart does not care for it has waited for its chance to say goodbye to The Fool and hello again. Hello and Hello and...
A rock face and a girl and a lifetime of stories of how she is and what she can and can not do. Determined hands jammed in sharps cracks, she climbs in her anger to the first ledge (ihateyouforleavingihateyouforleavingihateyouforleaving) and sways in fear at how far up she already is. Pinned back against a right angle and her left leg doing an 'Elvis' she pushes up into less anger and into pride (ohmygodicandothisohmygodicandothisohmygodicandothis) and before long she is looking down at that which she has left behind. It seems so small. To the top she carries on and now there is only silent concentration. Everyone will be shocked that someone like her could accomplish something like this...but that no longer matters because bruised thumb and bleeding knee, she knows now that he was wrong.
A movie with a phone booth and the choice to stay instead of leave. A movie with that awful airport ending where we once again celebrate the leaving instead of the staying. Summer days and summer nights and a slow dance on a computer screen. Watching from afar, eyes wide, you're a child again and you free fall. Wait for me are the only words whispered and so you burn the memory of those fireworks into your palm and the cool rock into the sole of your shoe and you wait.
Of course you will wait.
That's all that can be done.
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