Care, They Ask

Do not ask this of me. Do not ask me to care so that you can be in your power as you pack mine into a small suitcase and catch the first plane out. Do not disappear and then use your weakness as an excuse or your strength as a justification. Do not pull me out of my protective covering so that you can step inside your own armour and watch, fascinated, as I disintegrate.

Do not give me reason to believe and then pull the proverbial rug out from beneath my feet. Do not kick me while I'm down and then rush to hold me as I ache and then stand up and kick me again. Or If you must then do not question me when I flinch in your presence. Do not question me when I kick back. Do not question me when I stop caring altogether.

I am just one girl. I seem confident, energized, clear and strong. But I am just one girl and underneath what seems to be true is the truth. I am scared, confused, self-hating and weak. Do not rough me up because you think I can take it. Do not put me last on the list of people to consider because you think it won't affect me. Do not convince yourself that I am above hurting. I am just one girl. I hurt. I hurt so much. Do not forget that.

So do not talk to me today if you're too busy to talk to me tomorrow. Do not ask to share my home if you are sure to steal my life. Do not tell me that I am everything to you as you rip the packing tape with your teeth. Do not ask me to bare my soul when all you plan to do is set it on fire.

Do not make me wait just because I will. Do not make me love you just because I would. Do not throw your hands up in defeat and then blame it on your own self-worth issues. Do not pretend that you wouldn't fight harder for something that mattered enough.

Do not talk to me unless you are here to give me back my heart. Do not talk to me unless you have changed your mind. Do not talk to me only when it's convenient for you. No means no.

I am treading water now in the oceans of pain that a short time ago drown me. Head above water yes. But just barely. Do not fool yourself into thinking that I am leisurely doing the backstroke. Do not fool yourself into thinking that I have the strength to save anybody else. Do not fool yourself into thinking that I am doing the front crawl to safety. And please, do not dangle a life jacket over my head if you don't intend on dropping it.

Do not act surprised when in the morning I have nothing left to say to you. Do not write about how I have done you wrong. Do not forget that I am here and always have been. Do not love me while you leave me, do not like me if you can't show up and do not miss me when I am right in front of you, heart in hand, willing.

I am just one girl.
So, please, don't.