After The Concert

On Pender: I am typing this as Caitlin sleeps in a bunk bed beside me and the space heater whirs steadily, trying to keep us warm against these August evenings on the ocean. We have performed tonight, snapping and singing, being terribly cute and funny, lugging gear and hunting for food. The evening even ended with Jaime, Pat, Caitlin and I smuggling champagne down to the dock and having a nightcap under the stars. Well, I didn't have any, but I observed them and the stars and had a couple of laughs. Tomorrow morning, early, we are getting on the ferry, picking up Carman in Vancouver and road tripping all the way to Kelowna. The nights might be getting colder, but summer isn't yet done and there are adventures still to be had.

Note: seems my Konkin Questions page isn't allowing the submissions to go through...some sort of database error. This means I either need to contact Jo and see if he knows how to fix it or hire someone else to untie the SQL knot. It is humbling when something like this happens (or something like bumping into him on Saturday night at the swing dance) and I realize how dependant/tied to/emeshed I STILL am with my ex-boyfriend. I wonder if there will ever be a day when I can think about him leaving and not feel hurt. I wonder if I will ever be okay with having him look at me like I am a genderless neuter. On good days, I believe this time will come. On worse days, I am sure it won't. Right now, I just wish I knew more about PHP and My SQL so that I didn't have to find out.

My Current Challenge: Trying to keep from blogging about this kind of new and wonderful thing I am experiencing and feeling. The whole freaking Controversail Post about HTSHNBN and TWHWTRMW has got me all paranoid and I am finding myself editing. Which sucks. But I guess it is also because when something is so new, I hesitate out of doubt. Kinda like women finding out they are pregnant and waiting until the 2nd trimester before announcing it. When you have had a metaphorical miscarriage like the one I've had this year, you don't want to count your chickens before they've hatched. All this to simply say that I am falling asleep with smiles in my heart and I can't wait to share the why with y'all. But not quite yet. Sigh.

Help: Everyone send me good employment energy. Remind me that the perfect source of income is already unfolding, even as I type this. Be it more Ptarmigan or something all together different, I ask for your consciousness in this.

Things To Do Before I Die (stolen idea from kdh): trip to broadway, write a book, build my magic cottage, have my last first kiss, run my own business, swim naked in Kawaii, forgive him, love What Is simply and unconditionally.

Things To Do Before My Battery Dies: end this post.