5 More Days 'Til Unemployment

Ok. I am kinda freaking out.

Not full scale freaking out, but just tiny little waves of freaking out. I have five more days of this job. This wonderful, wonderful job. And then...

This is what everyone keeps asking me. What are you doing in the fall? And I skip around the answer because the truth is I wish I could keep doing exactly what I am doing, but I can't and so I am back to square one. Right? I mean, aren't I? Or is there a way that I can keep doing what I am doing? Find Ptarmigan some grant money to keep me employed I suppose. Something. Because I will tell you this much, people, I do not, can not go back to my life pre-ptarmigan. Day after day stuck in my apartment trying to figure out who I am and what I want since leaving theatre behind. Nope. No freaking way. I will move before I let that happen.

This is it: I don't want to move. I hate the bedbugs, yes. But I love BC. I love Vancouver. I love my 404 Gang. Sure, this city holds painful memories of HTSNBN, but, seeing that I gave him free reign of my heart, I don't want to give him my city, too. I want to stay. I want to stay and be employed in a creative industry and watch as my Girlz figure out their futures and keep writing controversials blogs and find someone who I can share my perfectly healthy, balanced and joyful life with. It feels like I am asking for a miracle. Which is fine. I am cool with asking for a miracle. I have cried rivers of tears and picked myself off the ground of a suddenly half empty apartment and summoned strength from I-don't-know-where to get out of bed and not give up and now I want a miracle.

And for those of you who have asked in reaction to my previous post - no, I do not have a boyfriend. Gee...already?? From heart broken to totally in love and set for life in one weekend - now that would be a miracle. ( In fact, that could be the title for a very successful workshop. ) I am smiling alot lately, though. And I do have a lot of blisters on my feet. But that is all I am saying on that. For now.

So my plan right now. Concert on Friday night. Kelowna on Saturday to see an overpriced production of Cats and support a friend. Sunday and Monday - combat bedbugs (only one bite all last weekend!), hug Caitlin lots because she was robbed (404 not always a grand place to live) and hopefully spend more time smiling and getting blisters (sans the blisters). Tuesday Mom comes to be with me and Jennie has her going away party. Still can't believe she is choosing Toronto over Vancouver. Sheesh. Then, my last week of work, tears shed and many panicked resumes sent out. Theoretically, mom and I will leave Sept. 3rd for Saskatchewan - unless a brilliant job falls in my lap - and I will be gone for most of the month. Project Healing Through Avoidance. Then back in October. Unless something brings me back sooner. Or unless there is no reason to return at all.

I ask myself again - probably for the millionth time on this blog - why I didn't just marry some dude from Moose Jaw, move a block away from Mom, become a dental hygenist and look forward to BBQs on Sunday as the highlight of my life.

Oh right, because I wanted to be a tapdancing, fishnet wearing star.

That and I can't stand Pilsner.