What A Wonderful World

Really, I have had some magical moments the past couple of days.

I have watched killer whales leap and splash and play while sitting in the sun on the ferry. It was this totally free, spontaneous, magical occurance. While I watched these magnificent creatures, I couldn't help but have the thought "I ain't at Buffalo Pound Lake anymore..." It was a happy moment.

I have sat on the beach in my bikini with the girlz and talked about sex. One of summer's greatest pleaures.

I have toured a vineyard full of European-esque terraces facing the ocean. I have sung for folks as they sipped their Merlot and allowed myself to belt What A Wonderful World and truly mean it.

I have sat on dock at sunset with a good friend and watched the sailboats languidly slip by... I have curled up in the shade and had a nap, letting sleep take me away if only for while. I am now writing this moments before I get ready for a real, live barn dance. Life has been full of such joyful, warm moments. I am not too blind to see them. I acknowledge how good it is all is, even when my heart is a long way off from being healed.

The part that is still wounded wishes I could be sharing all these incredible experiences with him. Kinda like all these fantastic experiences aren't less than whole without him, but would be made that much better with him by my side. I can't help but wish I could have seen his face when the whales started to put on their show. I long for him to be sitting in one of my audiences beaming with pride, someone to sing my love songs to. How lovely to steal away to a shady spot together and lay wrapped in each others arms as that cool BC breeze lulls us into a scrumptious catnap. So, there it is. July 1st, Canada Day...four full months after he walked out of our life and our home and I still miss him. And I ask again, like I have so many times before, will this pain ever fade? Will I ever stop wishing him into my present, keeping him alive in my past? Does he miss me? Are there stunning moments so far in his summer that he can't help admit would have been made that much greater with my hand in his? Could it be possible that one day he will wake up and completely change his mind?

I know, I know. These are the questions that keep me from moving on and I promise I won't dwell on them because I guess I know the answers...either way, I am grateful for enough healing that I can enjoy the precious life that is happening around the questions.

I am off to the barn dance...will let you know how that turns out...

Yeehaw!