Wow

Was at a woman's thingy tonight and was giving someone my email address which spurred them to ask about my website which further inspired them to say - 'cool! your own website? whadda ya do?'

Drained from my day of faxing the wrong Real Estate documents and allowing an error to get printed and taking 5 hours to do something that should have taken 1 hour, I was silenced by the question. 'not much' i answered.

Fourteen feet away another woman asked me the same thing - whadda ya do? - this time I tried it on for size. 'I am in Real Estate Investment' I answered. Real Estate Investment, I thought to myself while this woman was busy being impressed, who are you kidding Konkin? I am an imposter. A big, boring imposter.

But there are no more choices for me. I am broke. I am hungry all the time. I need the money. And I know that I am doing what everyone else wants me to be doing. And I can't argue with them. It IS a hell of alot better than sitting here in the apartment, alone and in a panic. I must keep on. Everyone is sure that I will be a great Real Estate person. I am not as sure, but am too exhausted to search anymore.

Tonight I am feeling like the brunt of a pathetic joke. But a brunt that will be getting a paycheck soon. Dramatic me feels I have sold my soul. Undramatic me simply says, this is life, get used to it. Lost me writes about it because if it stays inside of me I will snap. Tired me is convinced that even Living Out Loud will no longer help.

There are two wolves inside of us. One is all the bitterness, hate, anger, fear and guilt we hold. The other is all the love, hope, faith, ease and joy we hold. Which one will win?? The one we feed.

I always have been better at giving advice than I have been at taking my own.