Thursday, January 19, 2006
Repeat After Me
Must stay positive, must stay positive, must stay...
Positive. Arg. There is so much I would like to say right now, so much I would like to vent, to dump, to blog, but I don't want to feed the thing that looms over my head. I want to let go of the story. Could be a good thing that I spend so much time alone. It gives me less chance to tell my story over and over again. I want happiness despite wether or not I can pay my rent. I want to enjoy my days off despite the fact that I am so over having days off. I refuse to blog my fears and thus give them wings to fly.
Now, I think this is mighty wise of me, but then again, I wonder how healthy it is to repress what emotions are cascading through me? Reason I say this is that this morning, when I woke up, I started to cough. I coughed and then thought "why am i coughing?!" The cold symptoms are knocking on my door and the only thing I can attribute to getting a cold is my inner stress load being repressed and needing to express itself somehow. Ok, ok, I know more than a few of you are rolllllllling your eyes and this thinking. You believe that you get colds becuase your immune system runs down and you succumb to a virus or other virilant creatures. I respect that thinking. But i know, with evidence of my own life, that when I am happy and balanced and peaceful, I don't get sick. When something is eating away at me - be it the need to succeed, the fear of failing, a bank account that will not cover my next month's expenses, a boyfriend who questions his love for me - my physical health can start to suffer. Anyway, I also refuse to get a cold.
So what positive stuff is happenning? I am savouring every inch of delightful yumminess from watching the L Word Season 2. It is soooo good and very sexy and all together escapism. What else? Ah, Eric and Jo and I might head up to Whistler this Saturday. The boys want to ski and I just want to see the place having lived here a year and a half and never yet going. I got to sleep in this morning? I dunno. I live in a free country and am aloud to vote. There.
Let's leave it at that, before I say something I'll regret.
Positive. Arg. There is so much I would like to say right now, so much I would like to vent, to dump, to blog, but I don't want to feed the thing that looms over my head. I want to let go of the story. Could be a good thing that I spend so much time alone. It gives me less chance to tell my story over and over again. I want happiness despite wether or not I can pay my rent. I want to enjoy my days off despite the fact that I am so over having days off. I refuse to blog my fears and thus give them wings to fly.
Now, I think this is mighty wise of me, but then again, I wonder how healthy it is to repress what emotions are cascading through me? Reason I say this is that this morning, when I woke up, I started to cough. I coughed and then thought "why am i coughing?!" The cold symptoms are knocking on my door and the only thing I can attribute to getting a cold is my inner stress load being repressed and needing to express itself somehow. Ok, ok, I know more than a few of you are rolllllllling your eyes and this thinking. You believe that you get colds becuase your immune system runs down and you succumb to a virus or other virilant creatures. I respect that thinking. But i know, with evidence of my own life, that when I am happy and balanced and peaceful, I don't get sick. When something is eating away at me - be it the need to succeed, the fear of failing, a bank account that will not cover my next month's expenses, a boyfriend who questions his love for me - my physical health can start to suffer. Anyway, I also refuse to get a cold.
So what positive stuff is happenning? I am savouring every inch of delightful yumminess from watching the L Word Season 2. It is soooo good and very sexy and all together escapism. What else? Ah, Eric and Jo and I might head up to Whistler this Saturday. The boys want to ski and I just want to see the place having lived here a year and a half and never yet going. I got to sleep in this morning? I dunno. I live in a free country and am aloud to vote. There.
Let's leave it at that, before I say something I'll regret.
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