Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Click
This holiday Jen and I were talking about going around in circles, bumping into the same problems time and time again. Jen had good advice. She said if you keep coming up against the same thing, CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Ya gotta change the behavior to change the outcome. 2006 may need to be a big experiment in seeing if that might change some of the ruts I have fallen into.
Sadly, one of the ruts that I am facing involves my realtionship. It isn't actually my rut, not really, but Jordan's...and yet, when you are as woven into each other's life as we are, his rut is my rut whether I like it or not. Unfortunately, Jordan's rut involves his desire to be in this relationship and, even though I don't want to lose him, it looks like there may be no stopping his departure. I think this may be shocking for some of you to read. I know so many people in my life consider Jo and I to be a very strong and in love couple. It isn't that we aren't...but for Jordan, something isn't 'clicking'...and as for me, I am exhausted waiting for him to wake up one day and feel the same way I do. There is talk of couple's councelling, everyone's last ditch resort to saving a partnership. Perhaps that will work. Perhaps it will not. All I can do is sit back and watch this unfold with as much strength and grace as possible. I will keep you updated.
I must find a job to get myself out of debt. I realize that this is just the reality and am feeling a shift inside of me that is through whining about it and is ready to just do what needs to be done. I am Somersizing again, as best I can, so I can get back on top of my eating habits. I am also going to perservere with the Real Estate course. I swear to God, sometimes it is as interesting as watching paint dry, but I would like to complete it. 2005 saw me not completing much at all and I intend for this year to be different...a slight improvement if nothing else.
Good to be home. I think 2006 is going to be a very BIG year for me. Last year I cocooned. This year I am emerging. There may need to be goodbyes, but I will have faith that they will at least leave room for the hellos. With a different kind of saddness in my heart, I feel optimistic about the next 12 months.
That is where I am at. Off now to change the oil and pick up a parcel and unpack my bags. I hope all of my readers are willing to CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
If not, that is cool, too. You are loved by me, regardless.
Sadly, one of the ruts that I am facing involves my realtionship. It isn't actually my rut, not really, but Jordan's...and yet, when you are as woven into each other's life as we are, his rut is my rut whether I like it or not. Unfortunately, Jordan's rut involves his desire to be in this relationship and, even though I don't want to lose him, it looks like there may be no stopping his departure. I think this may be shocking for some of you to read. I know so many people in my life consider Jo and I to be a very strong and in love couple. It isn't that we aren't...but for Jordan, something isn't 'clicking'...and as for me, I am exhausted waiting for him to wake up one day and feel the same way I do. There is talk of couple's councelling, everyone's last ditch resort to saving a partnership. Perhaps that will work. Perhaps it will not. All I can do is sit back and watch this unfold with as much strength and grace as possible. I will keep you updated.
I must find a job to get myself out of debt. I realize that this is just the reality and am feeling a shift inside of me that is through whining about it and is ready to just do what needs to be done. I am Somersizing again, as best I can, so I can get back on top of my eating habits. I am also going to perservere with the Real Estate course. I swear to God, sometimes it is as interesting as watching paint dry, but I would like to complete it. 2005 saw me not completing much at all and I intend for this year to be different...a slight improvement if nothing else.
Good to be home. I think 2006 is going to be a very BIG year for me. Last year I cocooned. This year I am emerging. There may need to be goodbyes, but I will have faith that they will at least leave room for the hellos. With a different kind of saddness in my heart, I feel optimistic about the next 12 months.
That is where I am at. Off now to change the oil and pick up a parcel and unpack my bags. I hope all of my readers are willing to CHOOSE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
If not, that is cool, too. You are loved by me, regardless.
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