Nothing to Wear

I just saw video footage of myself singing at the Fall to Joy concert.

Ug.

Ever notice how hard it is to be thrilled at watching yourself on video? Listening to the sound of your own voice - especially singing? What is it in me, in most of us, that just cringes when we watch ourselves? When I see myself, what I mostly see is the wildly crooked teeth, the absense of ankles, the pear shaped figure and, in this case, the bad hair. I notice how my mouth does a wierd crooked thing when I pronounce my words, how jerky I am when I gesture during performance and how huge still the difference between my chest and head voice. I see flaws. I see all the ways I have not grown. I see myself and I am truly humbled. If anything is good at smashing down an over inflated ego, it is watching oneself on video.

So I blog this right now...after having had a great weekend and a super day, with a third CSL interview in process and a first interview that I manifested out of thin air with Peak Potentials, with fun design projects on the go and everything to feel positive about...and I am disappointed in myself. Suddenly, as I type this, I am aware of how much I need a new wardrobe, to go back on my diet, better hair, dresses that cover my ankles, singing lessons and braces.

Self-hating and self-pitying, I then think about young girls all over the world who have nothing, are enslaved, prostituted, beaten and alone. If my worst worries are my thick ankles, I am lucky.

I will bless my flaws and hope this shakes them from my head. Beyond that, I can either gripe and whine about the above listed issues or I can DO something about making the necessary changes to bring about the desired goal.

Hope I can find a good dentist.