Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Let it Snow and other melodies
What. a. day.
Today marked Vancouver's first snowfall of winter 2005. I couldn't find my snow-brush-thingy so I scooped big, wet mounds of snow off my windshield this morning with my bare hands. Traffic crept along and Vancity was blanketed and slow.
Then I entered my new office. I sat at my new cubicle and at my new desk and attended my first department meeting. At first I was terrified. Then slowly, a feeling of numb settled over me, big and wet, like the snow. I know that I need this job for the money. Needing sucks. But I feel like my need to be responsible and generating is greater than my need to feel joy and passion. Can the two exist together. Yes. Will they exist together in this particular job? Hmm. I dunno. I suppose anything is possible.
The coolest part was when Harv Eker walked into the office. I am told that he has not entered that office is a very long time and there he was, today, on my first day of work, standing in front of me. He teased me a little after he found out I was new and then kept on. But I watched him. I watched him and I watched everyone's reaction to him and I observed his energy. And you know what I saw? I saw a person who totally and utterly believes in himself. I saw a man who walked around bathed in an energy that pulsated I AM WORTH IT. He was obviously rich and healthy and confident and happy and respected and respectful and full of power. But I also saw him observe us...his workers...and I imagined that I saw him look at us and sadly shake his head and think 'they just haven't figured it out yet. they haven't quite figured out that they, too, are so very worth it. they are magnificent potentials working in cubicles because that is where they stlll need to be to feel safe. ah, if only i could teach them to believe in themselves. hm, interesting...'
This man was being all the stuff I blog about...and a penny sort of dropped for me. I knew very much that I was sitting at my cubicle because I am not yet brave enough. I have not yet claimed my North Star. I am Finding a Me that never went anywhere. I am not ready to receive and accept that I am as totally magnificient as Harv. As any great master. I am seeing this without beating myself up about it too too much. It is okay to be where I am. I am growing in my search and I feel closer every day to being clear and ready to claim my riches. I know that I was never supposed to work in a cubicle for a bi-weekly paycheck sweating to make someone else more money. I also know that I bless this opportunity to make some money to fill up my bank accounts and pay my debts .... and maybe even learn a few things like i did today.
That was my first day. Tomorrow I try to conquer my new PC laptop and learn about ticketing. Carolyn leaves for Austin and Jennie for Toronto and my to-do list is still needing to be tackled. I must keep loving me. I love me. I. love. me.
I love you, too.
Today marked Vancouver's first snowfall of winter 2005. I couldn't find my snow-brush-thingy so I scooped big, wet mounds of snow off my windshield this morning with my bare hands. Traffic crept along and Vancity was blanketed and slow.
Then I entered my new office. I sat at my new cubicle and at my new desk and attended my first department meeting. At first I was terrified. Then slowly, a feeling of numb settled over me, big and wet, like the snow. I know that I need this job for the money. Needing sucks. But I feel like my need to be responsible and generating is greater than my need to feel joy and passion. Can the two exist together. Yes. Will they exist together in this particular job? Hmm. I dunno. I suppose anything is possible.
The coolest part was when Harv Eker walked into the office. I am told that he has not entered that office is a very long time and there he was, today, on my first day of work, standing in front of me. He teased me a little after he found out I was new and then kept on. But I watched him. I watched him and I watched everyone's reaction to him and I observed his energy. And you know what I saw? I saw a person who totally and utterly believes in himself. I saw a man who walked around bathed in an energy that pulsated I AM WORTH IT. He was obviously rich and healthy and confident and happy and respected and respectful and full of power. But I also saw him observe us...his workers...and I imagined that I saw him look at us and sadly shake his head and think 'they just haven't figured it out yet. they haven't quite figured out that they, too, are so very worth it. they are magnificent potentials working in cubicles because that is where they stlll need to be to feel safe. ah, if only i could teach them to believe in themselves. hm, interesting...'
This man was being all the stuff I blog about...and a penny sort of dropped for me. I knew very much that I was sitting at my cubicle because I am not yet brave enough. I have not yet claimed my North Star. I am Finding a Me that never went anywhere. I am not ready to receive and accept that I am as totally magnificient as Harv. As any great master. I am seeing this without beating myself up about it too too much. It is okay to be where I am. I am growing in my search and I feel closer every day to being clear and ready to claim my riches. I know that I was never supposed to work in a cubicle for a bi-weekly paycheck sweating to make someone else more money. I also know that I bless this opportunity to make some money to fill up my bank accounts and pay my debts .... and maybe even learn a few things like i did today.
That was my first day. Tomorrow I try to conquer my new PC laptop and learn about ticketing. Carolyn leaves for Austin and Jennie for Toronto and my to-do list is still needing to be tackled. I must keep loving me. I love me. I. love. me.
I love you, too.
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