Tuesday, October 04, 2005
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I am sooo avoiding doing my Real Estate homework.
Who am I kidding? I am avoiding doing any of my work. I resist my new job, I resist my chores, I resisted unemployment, I avoid dealing with all things unpleasant like our plugged toilet this morning, I find reasons not to have to leave my apartment...I feel like I am walking around having a three-year-old Krista temper tantrum inside my head all freaking day long.
WHAT. THE. #!*#. IS. UP. WITH. ME??
I hated being unemployed. But I don't want to be doing what I am doing right now. Not that it isn't the coolest job ever. Most people my age would LOVE an opportunity like this. Vancitylofts.com is the website of the people I now work with...I mean, I get that I should be grateful. I like Neal and Katie alot. I need work. Real Estate can be fun. But I just don't wanna. Why? What exactly do I wanna do? Well, design. Learn how anyway. Full time. But I can't not make money right now, right? I mean, I gotta eat??
((*99u3ij dnuc8&#YeyyiPIOPijwend
I am even having morbid, real dreams at night. In last night's dream, Jordan's mom decided to end her life, but wanted us all to be there when she ascended, so she arranged this funeral-thing where she lay in the coffin alive at first so she could experience the memorial part and then the coffin lid shut so that gas could be pumped into the coffin to put her to sleep. Forever. Half way through Caroline started to doubt the decision and Jordan went to her side, but by then it was too late and he just sorta climbed in beside her and held her as she died.
Ya. I know. I am telling ya. Something is up with me.
I am even resisting Somersizing and am back to eating whatever whenever. Jo is super bitchy these days, too, so together we are just a whiny, grumpy, snappy mess.
Tonight I changed my Finds list and added on an article about pursuing happiness. Basically it says that to be happy, you gotta stop pursuing happiness. You gotta want nothing. You gotta just sit back, breathe and let happiness come to you.
I resist that.
Tracie, my life coach, asked me at our last session, what I would look like if I was someone who unconditionally accepted whatever was in front of me. Like for most of her questions, I am drawing a blank. I got nothin'. My life would feel good to be in, I know this much. But how to get from here to there? This, I am not sure on.
So, I leave you with this quote from me...
"&*((*EHhiuhHIG98h*EUEY&76&*^%^*%(&yonpn."
I know, the wisdom is astounding.
Who am I kidding? I am avoiding doing any of my work. I resist my new job, I resist my chores, I resisted unemployment, I avoid dealing with all things unpleasant like our plugged toilet this morning, I find reasons not to have to leave my apartment...I feel like I am walking around having a three-year-old Krista temper tantrum inside my head all freaking day long.
WHAT. THE. #!*#. IS. UP. WITH. ME??
I hated being unemployed. But I don't want to be doing what I am doing right now. Not that it isn't the coolest job ever. Most people my age would LOVE an opportunity like this. Vancitylofts.com is the website of the people I now work with...I mean, I get that I should be grateful. I like Neal and Katie alot. I need work. Real Estate can be fun. But I just don't wanna. Why? What exactly do I wanna do? Well, design. Learn how anyway. Full time. But I can't not make money right now, right? I mean, I gotta eat??
((*99u3ij dnuc8&#YeyyiPIOPijwend
I am even having morbid, real dreams at night. In last night's dream, Jordan's mom decided to end her life, but wanted us all to be there when she ascended, so she arranged this funeral-thing where she lay in the coffin alive at first so she could experience the memorial part and then the coffin lid shut so that gas could be pumped into the coffin to put her to sleep. Forever. Half way through Caroline started to doubt the decision and Jordan went to her side, but by then it was too late and he just sorta climbed in beside her and held her as she died.
Ya. I know. I am telling ya. Something is up with me.
I am even resisting Somersizing and am back to eating whatever whenever. Jo is super bitchy these days, too, so together we are just a whiny, grumpy, snappy mess.
Tonight I changed my Finds list and added on an article about pursuing happiness. Basically it says that to be happy, you gotta stop pursuing happiness. You gotta want nothing. You gotta just sit back, breathe and let happiness come to you.
I resist that.
Tracie, my life coach, asked me at our last session, what I would look like if I was someone who unconditionally accepted whatever was in front of me. Like for most of her questions, I am drawing a blank. I got nothin'. My life would feel good to be in, I know this much. But how to get from here to there? This, I am not sure on.
So, I leave you with this quote from me...
"&*((*EHhiuhHIG98h*EUEY&76&*^%^*%(&yonpn."
I know, the wisdom is astounding.
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