Leaving Moose Jaw Again

I am continually changing and growing. All of us do. And little by little I have less connection to my home town, the way of life here, the energy and so I leave, again and again. But I also know that my eagerness to run from Moose Jaw is at its most intense when my anger about Life has overtaken my Love. These days I feel mostly pissed off at everything and everyone almost all the time. For this reason I weep for myself and realize that it is myself that I am good at leaving, again and again.

Back to Vancouver tomorrow. Back to a boyfriend aching for his independence and a job hunt that weighs on me like a backpack full of bricks. As hard as it will be to go back and face up to my reality, I go home gratefully. My apartment, my dishes, my bed, my city, my partner. Just wish I felt more joy about being clear, at least, on where I belong geographically.

Some things I have learned while being here: crap loads of sexual chemistry will never be enough for a partnership, I have an intense love of home re-design and that I want to try and become someone who either lets a hurt go immediately OR if I must hang on to it, states it clearly so that the people around her know where they stand. I want to be this person for my boyfriend, for my mother, for my friends and for myself. Authentic. I also came to a deep understanding that much of my feeling of being lost is due to my ever decreasing spiritual practise. I miss my friendship with God/It All/Spirit. Must dedicate August to regaining this...

I also learned that many people have no clue what to do when up against a four way stop. Just so you all know, the person on the right has the right of way.

Past that, don't ask me.