Party On Dudes

I have never enjoyed parties.

Ever. Not really. Not deep down.

I can be, and i have watched this be true with outward shock, amazingly adept at parties. It is one of the masks in my mask wardrobe - party girl. Bubbly, funny, extroverted. But i can't remember the last time i was at a party, wearing this mask or not, and i wasn't thinking...

Get me the fuck outta here.

Perhaps it is because i don't drink. Maybe the alcohol would loosen me up, change my mood. I am sure it would. But loud music, masses of people i don't know, crowds just standing around gripping their booze and chatting/yelling over the noise, cigarette smoke, men blatantly checking you out, more standing, a little more boozing, sometimes (on a good night) dancing, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera...it is just not my idea of fun. To me it is eventless, tiring, mostly insincere. I am not sure why i feel this way. I know that i am in my 20's and should love to party. It should be what i ache to do. But i don't.

ug.

That being said, Jo is graduated. I have met the core family and they are all quite wonderful. Having to figure out a brand new family's dynamic is always a bit off-putting and i can't help but find myself back at the dining room table in North York. Am i really going to fall in love all over again with another set of people who, in the event i screw up the relationship, i will never see again? Yes, i suppose i am.

And the family thing ain't stoppin' any time soon. It is just going to keep coming and coming and coming. Ohhhhh Lord. Insert my recent yuckky, pit-of-my-stomache feeling as of late. Wanna just put on my pj's and hide.

Suck it up, Konkin. Suck it up.