Diane.

I am angry to the point of not being able to sleep and choosing, instead, to blog.

You know, at least when you meet The Ex and they are undoubtedly classy and kind and smart and together, you can seperate your jealousy from your instant respect for the person. This has occurred in my life. I meet The Ex and i am all levels of jealous, but they smile at me and shake my hand and act super Big about the situation and it is obvious that they are worthy of His love. I have jealousy coarsing through my veins and i am thinking something like - "...and on top of it, they are great!!! If i wasn't jealous of her, i would try to become this person's friend!"

Then there is The Ex that is an asshole. All you have heard about this person is how in love He was with Her, how beautiful and exotic She is, how intense their connection was...but i am sorry world, she is an asshole. Self absorbed, tacky and cocky as hell. So, now you have jealousy AND you can honestly say that if you met this person at a party just randomly you would escape their presence as quickly as possible. Ug.

Then, ladies and gentlemen, there is this. The Boyfriend that adores The Asshole Ex and never wanted anything but to be be be be with her but has doubts and fears about You - a woman who loves him and is pretty damned fantastic.

I mean, have any of you been there? With someone who was more into their past relationship that was shitty than they are into your relationship which is real and ripe with potential?

It isn't fair. It. Isn't. Fair. That someone so awful didn't have to deal with any of this and i, someone less awful, has to listen to him ask 'what if, when i solve this puzzle of my numbness, the answer is that i really am not attracted to you at all?'

Do i deserve that? I mean DO I?? And if there are no victims and i co-created this experience then how can i un-manifest it immediately? I want him to look at me and say 'god, seeing Her tonight only confirms more acutely how totally sure i am of my love for you and that i most definitly ended up with the better woman.' I want him to say that and then follow it up by not freaking out and going numb and i want Her...

to disappear.

Manifest THAT, Universe.