Men Are Scum

When i was in Grade 4 i went into this MEN ARE SCUM phase. I am not sure where it came from, exactly, but there it was - doodled all over my nightstand, all over my binders, all over my diary. I was convinced, in my nine year old wisdom, that men were only out to do one thing - break our hearts. Considering my childhood's track record with the male role models in my life i suppose i shouldn't be all that shocked that this was my belief system from a very early age.

To avoid being treated poorly and having my proverbial heart pulverized i have gone out of my way to choose only the kindest, sweetest, most responsible men available to be my life partners. I have chosen the Sensitive New Age guy. I have been teased for my taste in the Straight-Gay men of the world. Yes, I have raised the bar high, i have worked hard at my independent woman routine so that i wouldn't ever really need much from them and i have set out to show the world that men were, in fact, selfless, giving nuturers - much like women - women with a penis attached.

But i am starting to wonder if i am just barking up the wrong tree.

I have watched as my signifigant others have woken up on a random day with the sudden urge to do a chore. Like saints they have attacked the laundry or the dusting or the bathroom. Then they have sat there, infinitly proud of themselves, waiting to be awarded their trophy. It doesn't occur to them that other the 97% of the chores have been done consistantly and quietly by - well - not them. Without need of a trophy. Thing is, we women are SO happy when the 3% pitch-in-and-help occurs that we do bring them their trophies...with kisses and hugs and accolades. Heaven forbid we stop, look at them and say, 'well done. now, keep that up for the next three months and we will start celebrating!'

Or the ditching us for those 'you-know-how-important-this-is-to-me' hobbies. Or asking you to remold your whole life to accomodate an incredible job offer....over and over and over again. We are terrified of being called high-maintenance. So we work with it. We find it in our hearts to be supportive when we are really feeling let down and abondoned. We move to North Carolina. We busily fill our empty weekends as he leaves for another band gig. We sit for hours on freeways driving to far away cities to visit him once a month so that his contract doesn't ruin the relationship.

We feed ourselves soup and shiver with a fever alone while he goes skiing in Whistler with the boys.

So, you will forgive me this morning if i revert back to my Grade 4 antics and say to the world, Men Can Be Scum.

I will follow that up with Women are Silly for Taking It.

And if i wasn't coughing so hard i would try to sum it all up with the Truth that lurks under it all:

that it is humiliating and heart breaking when you realize that you are reliving another pattern

and that you would, yet again, give more to this relationship...

than he may ever really be able to give.