Monday, January 31, 2005
The Whole Truth and Nothing But
I learned something this weekend.
It is important to communicate your truth - including the truths that look ugly - and to do it as soon as you possibly can find the courage. But here is the thing...if you are blessed with a safe forum where you can show up and say exactly what is going on in your heart only to be met with acceptance and love - then celebrate that gift in two ways:
1. Show up with the stuff you are convinced makes you unlovable. It is the only way you will truly come to see that the stuff that makes you feel selfish and petty and like a horrible person is also the stuff that makes you human and accessible and, in fact, even more lovable. Because you have stepped back and talked about these yuckky feelings, you detach from them and distinguish that the feelings may be yuckky, but you are -- not.
2. THIS WAS THE LESSON....Show up with the whole truth. I don't mean this in a 'dig into the yuckky and make sure you communicate the yuckky in total fullness' even though that is important. What i mean here is...unless all you feel is dark corners - which is hardly ever the case - also take the time to communicate the places where there is happiness. The whole truth isn't that you are really angry that your spouse left the bread out and it went moldy. The truth is that you are angry AND you are still stunningly blessed to have, at the end of the day, such an incredible spouse to be angry with. ...
Get it?
Tell the people you love that you love them. If someone takes your breathe away, let them know. And definitly do this when it is combined with feelings of doubt or fear or anger or sadness. Find time to pull that person into you and whisper in their ear all the ways that they make your life better and how - yuckkiness or not - you aren't going anywhere.
No, there are no guarantees and, no, we are not all meant to journey with each other forever. That isn't the point. The point is if you want a safe forum in which to leap then help the forum to be that safety for you by reminding it that it has your full committment in the jump.
Even if in the small moments your fear fantasizes about running out that door...
make it perfectly clear, when applicable, that in reality you have no intention of turning that doorknob.
Very much like knowing that when you open the cage and tell the bird it is free to fly...
you will often find that it is that moment the bird ceases to desire more than its cage.
It is important to communicate your truth - including the truths that look ugly - and to do it as soon as you possibly can find the courage. But here is the thing...if you are blessed with a safe forum where you can show up and say exactly what is going on in your heart only to be met with acceptance and love - then celebrate that gift in two ways:
1. Show up with the stuff you are convinced makes you unlovable. It is the only way you will truly come to see that the stuff that makes you feel selfish and petty and like a horrible person is also the stuff that makes you human and accessible and, in fact, even more lovable. Because you have stepped back and talked about these yuckky feelings, you detach from them and distinguish that the feelings may be yuckky, but you are -- not.
2. THIS WAS THE LESSON....Show up with the whole truth. I don't mean this in a 'dig into the yuckky and make sure you communicate the yuckky in total fullness' even though that is important. What i mean here is...unless all you feel is dark corners - which is hardly ever the case - also take the time to communicate the places where there is happiness. The whole truth isn't that you are really angry that your spouse left the bread out and it went moldy. The truth is that you are angry AND you are still stunningly blessed to have, at the end of the day, such an incredible spouse to be angry with. ...
Get it?
Tell the people you love that you love them. If someone takes your breathe away, let them know. And definitly do this when it is combined with feelings of doubt or fear or anger or sadness. Find time to pull that person into you and whisper in their ear all the ways that they make your life better and how - yuckkiness or not - you aren't going anywhere.
No, there are no guarantees and, no, we are not all meant to journey with each other forever. That isn't the point. The point is if you want a safe forum in which to leap then help the forum to be that safety for you by reminding it that it has your full committment in the jump.
Even if in the small moments your fear fantasizes about running out that door...
make it perfectly clear, when applicable, that in reality you have no intention of turning that doorknob.
Very much like knowing that when you open the cage and tell the bird it is free to fly...
you will often find that it is that moment the bird ceases to desire more than its cage.
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