Friday, January 07, 2005
My Secret Sky
"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." ---- Rumi
God, i love that quote. It just sums up my entire last year of life, my fledgling relationship and almost entirely the advice i seem to be giving alot lately. Let go of making things happen. Sit back and watch them unfold. So difficult for me. I struggle with patience.
Last night i went to a walk-in clinic to take a pregnancy test. I am two weeks late, not characteristic, and being sexually active again i was really lost for explanations. Somehow i knew i wasn't pregnant, but i had to know for sure. So, there i was at a clinic - my brand new boyfriend (so new that i still blush to use that word) sweetly nervous sitting in the waiting room, snow outside falling against the streetlights - trying to remember to be gentle and forgiving with myself. It felt surreal. When i took on this relationship as a way of saying that, having found centre, i was ready to take on my deepest, buried issues, i didn't think the universe would respond so quickly!
So i peed in a cup and confirmed what i thought. I am not bleeding, but i am not pregnant. I am just mixed up. Huh. Tell me something i didn't know.
This weekend Jo and i have committed to a Nothing Weekend. From today at 5pm until Monday morning, we have zero committments, but to each other. We have gotten so sick of holding each other while we stare at clocks, sqeezing one more minute in before we 'have to get going' that we felt we deserved a weekend to go slow and stop planning and turn off the clocks. I send you your own Nothing Weekend soon. They save lives.
Speaking of saving lives and weekend committments and issues, i should mention this: for all the 'issues' i face and desire to heal, i am humbled and reminded how really perfect my life is when confronted with the news in Asia. Out of such devestation, such beauty emerges and my heart breaks for all of us. Because we are all one. Tonight at 7pm i am going to stop and hold my hands to my heart and spend 15 minutes with many people throughout the world who will be doing the same in affirmation that those passed and those left behind will rebuild and grow strong once again. In affirmation that the universe is, in Truth, a loving place and we have nothing to fear. Hope to feel you there.
Without Feet.
God, i love that quote. It just sums up my entire last year of life, my fledgling relationship and almost entirely the advice i seem to be giving alot lately. Let go of making things happen. Sit back and watch them unfold. So difficult for me. I struggle with patience.
Last night i went to a walk-in clinic to take a pregnancy test. I am two weeks late, not characteristic, and being sexually active again i was really lost for explanations. Somehow i knew i wasn't pregnant, but i had to know for sure. So, there i was at a clinic - my brand new boyfriend (so new that i still blush to use that word) sweetly nervous sitting in the waiting room, snow outside falling against the streetlights - trying to remember to be gentle and forgiving with myself. It felt surreal. When i took on this relationship as a way of saying that, having found centre, i was ready to take on my deepest, buried issues, i didn't think the universe would respond so quickly!
So i peed in a cup and confirmed what i thought. I am not bleeding, but i am not pregnant. I am just mixed up. Huh. Tell me something i didn't know.
This weekend Jo and i have committed to a Nothing Weekend. From today at 5pm until Monday morning, we have zero committments, but to each other. We have gotten so sick of holding each other while we stare at clocks, sqeezing one more minute in before we 'have to get going' that we felt we deserved a weekend to go slow and stop planning and turn off the clocks. I send you your own Nothing Weekend soon. They save lives.
Speaking of saving lives and weekend committments and issues, i should mention this: for all the 'issues' i face and desire to heal, i am humbled and reminded how really perfect my life is when confronted with the news in Asia. Out of such devestation, such beauty emerges and my heart breaks for all of us. Because we are all one. Tonight at 7pm i am going to stop and hold my hands to my heart and spend 15 minutes with many people throughout the world who will be doing the same in affirmation that those passed and those left behind will rebuild and grow strong once again. In affirmation that the universe is, in Truth, a loving place and we have nothing to fear. Hope to feel you there.
Without Feet.
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